I have no idea what to call this

Im having a bit of a moment. I think that’s the best way to word it following some random research from a book im like 10 pages away from finishing and a discussion leading me to write this now.

The book is “About a boy” by Nick Hornby. Probably most have seen the film with Hugh Grant,  but im  ot talking about the main characters. Im talking about the time the book was set. April 1994, the death of Kurt Cobain. Ok to be honest I knew the name. Baring in mind I was 4 when he did I did pretty well to recognise the name.

The death of kurt is mentioned in the book and so is the circumstance of his death and me being me was like did that really happen? And satisfying my curiosity I looked online and dove into the life of Kurt Cobain. All I think now is he wasnt just famous he was a human who clearly was crying out for help long before he died.  He had a wife and daughter but what got me was his suicide note addressed to his imaginary friend “Boddah”. Doesnt this alone speak truth?

Not getting to dragged down in the death of kurt cobain but something else. Lofe its self. Kurt expressed in his letter how guilty he felf for not being able to love the music the way he once did so much so it drove him to death.  Isnt this really people afraid of letting othets down?  What about dpong it for yourself and screw every one else.

My travel plans have been wavering over the past few days because of ideas that other people have planted in my thoughts.  Thanks to my own curiosity and (sadly) Kurt Cobain I am saying SHUT UP! if no one can be happy for others they’re obviously miserable in their own lives.  Sort your own out before digging at other people.

Don’t give up on dreams either, you are talented embrace ypur strengths and remember what ever you do in life haters are gonna hate!  Ignore them and do whatever for you and nobody else!

Sorry that’s a bit of a ranting post but things like others negativity towards each other and lack of self confidence makes me mad! No one ia going to live your life for you so get out there and live it while you can!

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Learning a new Language

Thursday 26th June 2014

So, the bucket list begins!

I had a good look at my bucket list today and noticed a few I can do now. So what’s stopping me? I started the photo challenge this week and I thoroughly enjoying, and I have thought of a few things I want to add, but not yet.

Today I started learning Italian. I love it. And the only reason I got into it was by reading Eat, Pray, Love. I’d never heard an Italian person speak their own language into I listened to the audio book of this, even though the author herself isn’t Italian, she speaks fluently and I just thought it sounded amazing.

I’ve never taken interest in other languages before, being forced to learn French and Spanish was horrible! I knew how to count to 10 in German for some reason, I think my uncle taught me but that was far as my learning curve went.

So how do you start learning a new language? I remember years ago in out library they used to have these sets of books and CDs to learn with but now sadly they are a thing of the past. I looked up local language classes, yeah the usual suspects, Spanish, French, German…NO! I looked online, still nothing looked easy enough to learn by.

I went to WHSmith and looked for Italian phrase books, RUBBISH! How to learn? Almost on the verge of quitting I pulled out my Samsung Galaxy Tab and updated my apps. It was half way through a Jousting match on Rival Knights (an ace game on android I must say) when something in my tiny brain clicked and shouted ‘LOOK FOR AN APP!’

Well, I uploaded the google app store and flicked through the endless lists of language apps. I read hundreds or reviews, and picked out the ones that included Italian. In the end I chose the app Duolingo.

Duolingo is a fun creative app which helps you learn another language using visual and audio methods. It goes through each section with a range of speaking, listening and writing. Its free, which is also a bonus and you can buy extra lessons, but it covers nearly everything! Food, animals, places, clothes, plurals, questions, colours to name a few.  It focuses on your strengths and weaknesses and reminds you to practice daily. I have so far found no fault with this app at all. It has a wide range of languages to teach including

  • Spanish
  • French
  • German
  • Portuguese

The extras you can buy (for the Italian) are idioms and Flirting (how to say chat up lines in Italian!)

In my short time I’ve learnt a lot. I can write, all the words for Man, Woman, Girl and Boy. I can say I am/he/she is a boy/girl/man/woman. I can say/write I/he/she/they eat/drink (water/bread/an apple)

I recommend this app to anyone interested in learning another language or assist anyone who is currently learning one!

La donna mangia la mela!

( the first full sentence I wrote, spoke and understood) The women eats the apple!

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Random Rambles

Wednesday 25th June

Mid-week! I don’t know why I’m excited it’s not like I have a job…anyways, I’ve had a real buy week thus far, Monday and Tuesday consisting of meeting up with people I haven’t seen in months and years. Yes I am a bad friend and I know it.  Today I caught up with my own personal study and writing. My characters have been left waiting for at least two weeks now so I thought I should give them something to do. I changed my main characters name and now get confused referring back to her old name. I changed it because it sounded to feminine which to be honest this character isn’t, but I started the plans for this story almost six years ago,  old habits die hard.

I’ve reminded myself of my bucket list and my travel plans as my mind hasn’t been as focused on the subject very much. As every the everyday stress of life overtake all. I have trained myself to think if something I want to buy is a ‘Want’ or a ‘Need’ Needs are acceptable, a want isn’t. I’ve also got into the habit of putting two-pound coins into a saver tin. When its full I’ll cash the money into my ISA to go towards travelling stuff.

Today also marks the day my nephew is officially a month old and is smiling (without the help of wind). So I suppose there is plenty going on.  I’ve often wondered how my life differs from everyone else. Looking through my contacts and linking the names to faces mentally, everyone is leading their own paths. I have friends that are new and more experienced mothers and fathers, I have friends that are In full time work, others that have moved away, a handful that have finished university, one who has just left school. I often love asking about what people are now doing and what people planned on doing. Some wanting to be million pound CEOs now have a family and treasure them instead of a career.

I read back over my old journals and read over the plans I had and changed again and again, most to suit my friends and not myself. It’s bad how easily influenced I am, I often felt I didn’t want to be left behind or forgotten. I didn’t what to be the failure and it became a constant fear. Now, so many years later I realised I should’ve done what everyone else was doing. Put myself first.  I’ve been told again and again I should take my own advice, so I am.

Maybe dreams are reachable only if they’re our own….

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Everyone has a theory

I had an odd dream that I won thw lottery. Odd because I don’t actually do the lottery but the dream basically turnede into someone I wasn’t. I think the idea was planted not long ago by an article I found about a lottery winner quiting his job and traveling with his winnings.

If I did ever wim the lottery and found myself with loads of cash this is what I think I’d do.

Pay off all bills.  The obvious first. All the little and latge bills in including the 50p library fine paid off. I would then put a large amount into savings. (For a rainy more urgent time in life- you never know!)

I would sort my family with homes.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to buy them houses. No way. I would find them homes and pay for deposit and most furnishings.  My nephew and niece and god kids would eaxh receive money for them to do with as the please..they wanna.spend it on sweets well go crazy.

Now for me. I’d pay at least 8 years full rent on my house. I love it so much I don’t want to give it up. I’d hire a gardener to make my dream garden real. I’d decorate each room how I planned and spoil my boys in every way possible. When I was happy with my house I’d make arrangements to go travelling.

I’d pay for my first flight, buy a macbook and leave the UK. I woukd travel as planned and work around the world as planned with my best friend. 

I’d also donate to charities I support amd help In any way to make small improvements. Money changes people alot..I’ve always known this..I’d want to help me.and otbers but remain the same..I wouldn’t buy 300 pound socks or pay 1000 poinds for a cat..I’d still rescue and bargain hunt.

Some times dreams reflect on our inner fears..I wouldn’t want to become someone I hate..I wouldn’t want to be treated any different and help all those that have helped me and more. Usually imaging what you’d do with lottery money shows what kind of person you are..selfless or selfish,  cruel or kind. I don’t think I’d ever win the lottery,  but if I did you domt need to ask what I’d do as what I’ve just written is what I’d do.

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The 365 day photo challenge

Yesterday maked the first day of the pboto challenge.  In all honesty I fprgot about it and scanned through my camrea to see what pictures I uad taken and picked this. my unimpressed nephew Dexter. Bless him!


23rd June 2014 (day 1)

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Little odd things…

My brothers girl friend was telling me today that my baby nephew is one month old tomorrow.  Hasnt time flown by? We both agreed he’d grown exceptionally fast and is a chunky monkey.

“I don’t want him to grow up, I want him to stay small forever.” If only this was possible.  Its a part of life. Strangly I also came across a story this evening of a women and her dolls.

This women had 4 children and then became sterilised.  Some thimg she now regrets but found these crazy life like dolls.

Sending the story on to my friend we have both this evening dug deep in pure interest and amazement at these strange dolls.

The women in the article “adopted” four which they all have names, cots and moses baskets to “sleep” in. They wear nappies and have them “changed” and she spends alot of time dressing and buying for these babies.  I have found myself fascinated with the subject and am feeling a strange want and lure towards “adopting” my own.

This dolls are hand painted to resemble a real baby as much as possible. They have birth marks veins and even milk sports dabbed delicately on their pale skin. They are gender correct and also weighed down with a special filling to resemble an actual baby weight.

These remarkable dolls bring joy amd happiness to women of all ages..children delighted to care for their own babies, women unable to have children find comfort in these little dolls. I am amazed.

I plan on researching the art and detail put into them to give such a realness to them. I wouldn’t even mimd learning to make them.  Just amazing


Scary life like dolls sold online!

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Why gardening is dangerous for your health

I learnt a valuable lesson today. Dont leave a job too long or you will later pay for the price.

I have my own dinky house with a patio back garden with a lovely tree and fern plants. Beautiful.  Then there’s the front.
For weeks and weeks I’ve promised myself and my garden I WILL TEND TO IT. But I haven’t.  Today I decided it was time. The grass where up to my hips, the weeds had over taken and its a jungle.

All was going well into the garden took revenge.

Firstly I got stung. Not a little a lot.  Those evil little weeds armed with stingers went through my garden gloves and attacked my palms and fingers.  So I pulled out the garden sheers and snip. Bye bye.

Secondly,  the bug dance. Im usually ok with insects. I don’t mine the odd spider or bug scuttling away and disappearing back under the rock I found it. Not the bugs that I found today. Firstly was the tiny spider with the really long legs running up my arm. I freaked and did the crazy arm flapping thing. Poor spider flew off. Probably off to talk the next thing into scaring me stupid.

It’s a know fact to all my friends and family I have an irrational fear of moths. I have no idea why so when I yanked out another weed and a huge moth flew at me I almost cried. I did run and hide in my shed where the rake feel amd whacked me on the shoulder.  Thanks.

Ok fine.  I’ll go and tidy the patio.  Yeah not even safe there. I pulled the annoying weeds that get between the crazy paving, grabbed a handful of dandelions and a frog jumped out at me. Well took me by total surprise, pulled the weeds and fell back. The frog sat there looking at me almost smug. Yeah thanks to you too.

I abandoned the patio to the frog and returned to weed pulling around my little pond. Nice and easy. No creepy bugs, no amphibians,  no tools trying to attack me. Perfect.  Oh how wrong I was.

I tugged a practically tough weed. If any gardeners are reading this, you know the sort. The well rootes stubborn little buggers that refuse to budge. Well you aren’t getting the better of me! Putting my weight into it I grasped the palnt amd yanked. It came out easily. As I pulled it to gain balance I stepped back. WRONG! My book hit a brick sort of whiplashed me back. Instinctively took another step wrong again felt my ankle twist and landed in my pond. Thankfully the pnd has only just been dug out and is not filled with water just yet. How lucky for me to land on something so hard. Well I took my gloves off, threw the fork and dragged my self in the house slammed to door!

That was hours ago. After creaming my stings and puttimg ice on my ankle im pleased with my progress but have definitely decided garden is bad fpr your health!


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