It feels like a long time since I just sat and typed without it reviewing something or other and that’s not what I set out to do on this blog, I do enjoy that stuff but now that I’m trying to do it all the time I don’t enjoy it that much, reading back other my blog info this blog was about self discovery, which I still need. I guess at them moment I’m struggling again to work this out. I want to do so much but I’m so limited its frustrating. I think I will keep up Fusion Fiction, Fads and Film but only when I actually read or am into something and not force myself into it. I enjoy blogging. that’s why I stared this and that’s the way I should carry on.
where to start? well things are pretty good in my life right now, I wouldn’t say they are perfect, but who has a perfect life? its improved to say the least. I recently had my 26th birthday, was uneventful, I had a family BBQ which was nice as it was so hot. I got a new laptop!! Which was badly needed, smart nippy little thing it is too! Spent time with the minions too, I love spending time with the kids though as it always is. Dexter would you believe is two tomorrow. I still remember writing the blog post announcing his existence. Ariana is now 6 months old, she has two tiny front teeth and is absolutely gorgeous, I couldn’t be more proud of them. I love them so much.
I am now a part-time student of counselling, Well I should be if my Uni pull their finger out and accept me onto the course, I’ve been enrolled and a student since April, the course is paid for and everything but online I am not a student I haven’t paid or been accepted onto the course, talk about mixed signals, actually is drove me insane as I have assignments I cannot complete as I cant access all of the course, stupid right? I’ve spent half the day sending angry emails to anyone who will read them. Didn’t take me a lot to get riled. been a pretty angry person these last couple of weeks, no real reason for it, I just feel mad? I’m just going with it, makes a change from sad, worried and all the rest.
Today I changed my diets again and feel a bit happier but miserable, as soon as I start salads and that kind of healthy eating lark my body hates me. not even a joke. I can usually snack a couple of time sand be happy (not even on bad stuff, like fruit and those healthy cereal type bar tings) but today I introduce myself onto three set meals and health snacks and no joke IM STARVING! what in the brain does this! seriously considering hypnotherapy to get rid of the craving so I’ve decided to diet without the diet…sounds odd I know, I will have no sugar, butter ect which I can deal with actually but when it comes to chocolate and cake I am allowed but not to go bat crap crazy on. Within reason shall we say. I have a calorie counter on my phone which scares me because I fear numbers (its a me thing) and I will be deleting it before midnight tonight. As part off this ‘diet’ I am walking 10,000 steps or more a day which helps, I burn off an average 600+ calories which is good in my eyes, will be better when return to the gym next week though. Oh and I must tell you about a new app I found….Plant Nanny. No I’m not crazy and it is relevant.
Plant Nanny is a ‘reminder app’ with a cute little extra. I am literally the worlds worse person for drinking water, I can happily get by on a cup of coffee a day, which is BAD! I downloaded the app filled in the details (weight, activity level) and it tells you how much water you should drink. As I am now an active person and bigger than average my water income is around 9-10 glasses a day…wait that isn’t all, as a little encouragement to drinking this water you have a plant. its adorable. each time you have a glass of water and check it off this little plant drinks and grows, seriously its so cute and its worked. I have (miraculously) drank 10 glasses of water. only thing with that is I’m terrified to laugh, sneeze cough of anything too ‘jiggling’ as my tiny bladder will not cope with it all. You do pee for Britain but weirdly in all I feel a lot better, don’t feel so tired or sick or ‘run down’ and this is day one. Not bad. its a free app, definitely worth a try.
A few other things now, I am getting a dog once I return from Lanzarote. I need one for work. Yes you read that correctly. I am getting a puppy for WORK. I am thinking ahead. as in my counselling course I really want to study AAT (animal assisted Therapy) and entwine it into my sessions with children and teens, animals make anyone feel better and I know this from experience. I need to train a PAT dog and turn them into a AAT dog, following specifications. If that doesn’t work out he/she will just be a new member to the family. I miss Tess so much still and walking alone really sucks. so I’m looking around now and will pick towards the time. Either a Labrador or a Border collie.
In social news….My friends are good, depends which one you want to know about… My BFF is awesome as ever, we had a fun day out I want to say the weekend before last…? we went to Lincoln and we took tiny Deadpool with us and it was hysterical taking pictures and toy shopping. I love her sooooooo much! I’ve seen Charmaine and the kids they’re okay, I’ve been banished by my’ Friend’ from years ago who has not only screwed me over but binned me AGAIN for no reason. I give up, if she cant give me reasons or anything she might as well leave me alone. I did feel hurt to begin with, I mean who wouldn’t but now I think her loss, She isn’t teaming with friends so if she wants to dump the one good friend she has that’s her choice, I wont be going back to her….sounds like a weird relationship right? I still have a angry stalkers keeping an eye but they don’t bother me too much, if they start u’ll get rid, more people I can do without, but I’m listening to that saying, keep your friends close but your enemies closer. You maybe watching me, but I’m watching all of you.
Okay down to my issues. I have a find who I see a lot (not naming no names as they maybe reading this, we shall call them Bobbie) so Bobbie is a really nice person who would do anything for you but is now proving to be quite annoying sometimes. I enjoy bobbies company on the day I do see them and don’t get me wrong we have a laugh but the conversation is always the same thing, their pets always do the same thing, nothing is ever new. it grates on me when they try to copy me. okay its taken me YEARS to accept who I am and what I like and all this, Bobbie is taking away what makes me, Me and I don’t like it. Its okay when it comes to movies or books that’s normal but clothes, fads, and wants…no too far. Bobbie has started getting things I do, and I’m not sure Bobbie is even as big of fan as me. I’m not big headed enough to say I am NO.1 fan of so and so you cant out do me but DONT pretend to be something you are not. I hate it, I buy a dvd Bobbie buys the same DVD, I want collect these figures, Bobbie wants to. I want this album, Bobby buys that album, what drive me more insane though is when I have a broke week after paying all my bills on my house (Bobbie lives with their parents) We will go around town and Bobbie will pretty much buy all the things I said I liked in (out of habit more than anything) AHHHHHHHH infuriating. the thing that is really ticking me off at the moment is related to a new ‘friend’ in my life.
Okay lets start this part properly. I have met someone. Which is HUGE for me. I have been single for 4 going on 5 years now as I keep getting screwed around and sometimes it too painful with he weight of losing a child always at the back of your mind, I’ve always been way too scared to get involved. This time is so different. firstly I started it. Not like me. I liked him from the start, its terrifying, but I do and well I was absolutely rubbish at hiding it. Secondly he gets it. all of it, seems with both screwed up individuals with a crappy passed. He likes me (well I think) He has a child which as first scared me something chronic as I’ve seen the good and the bad with ex’s and all that I don’t want that drama, but his on good terms with his ex and has his child on a regular bases. They are also the same age as Dexter so not too scarily old that I can be classed as the evil lady trying to steal their dad. I would never. I do not want to steal ANYONE or replace anyone either. so we’ll getting along well, I see him Wednesdays and Saturdays at the moment as that’s the only time we can both spare but it suits us. In comes Bobbie. Bobbie is well aware of this thing between us and STILL flirts with him. Steve (name changed again) does not like this, nor do I. Its weird. Bobbie will go see him alone while his working and tell him thinks Bobbie doesn’t even share with me…? Steve knows Bobbie likes him but when we both saw him on Saturday he made it well known he likes me. Bobbie was obviously displeased and has been ratty and off with me since. Not 100% off but just enough to notice. I’m not about Saturday (possibly) as its Dexter’s party, Bobbie is invited but hasn’t confirmed anything, I think its because Becky is going but to be honest Becky is my sister, bestie for life, as well as Dexters’ honouree auntie. She has more right than Bobbie.
so anyways, if Bobbie doesn’t go to the party, will be hanging around Steve at work all day and I don’t like that thought. Nor does he. Why would you do that to your friends? I don’t know what to do about it just yet, I will have to think of something soon.
Anyways dear fusionist, I will be back blogging properly a lot more now, I will keep up with the other blog things too, but I’m not forcing it. To all those who made it here, enjoy the cookie!
All the best my friends
Love MJ xx