Dieting, days, and Dun Dun Dunnnnnnn……

Good morning fusionists,

Well hasn’t it been hot recently, could it be, Possibly, maybe be SUMMERTIME???? we should be so lucky! by the title I guess your feeling a bit amused by the said title? I wouldn’t get too excited, there isn’t very much to share in all honesty. maybe the Dun Dun DUNNN can be I’m actually writing a blog post! oh yaaaay.

Its the first of July *turns over Channing Tatum calendar and strokes the picture smiling like a goon* and I have a few small things to plan for the next few weeks. Firstly lest update you with what I have been doing. Not much. I have though joint the gym. Yes you are allowed to think oh dear lord…because that’s what I think everyday when I get there, step onto the treadmill ands begin moving at such a pace it shouldn’t be allowed. Its working though. I have lost a stone in my three week stint.That and turning in to a human rabbit but living off of lettuce and carrots. That’s an exaggeration, I’m actually on the Slimming world diet and I cannot fib and say its awful, I cannot bear to look at another tomato, it allows me to ration and eat all the bad stuff that put me in the position to need dieting in the first place. (I tell you now saving 5 syns of your daily allowance for a Freddo is totally worth it and you will savour that tiny bar for hours, nibbling millimetres off the edges not wanting it to end!) I guess I should blog more about my dieting and gym experiences. It tends to make my friends laugh.

Dieting and gym, what else have I been up to? well I have counselling with my previous counsellor, which do not feel like a ‘therapy session’ it feels like a moaning session, and since this week she’s on TRAINING not only am I missing our session to moan but I feel abandoned. How dare she go on a fire safety course?! I have to wait now to NEXT TUESDAY to see her and rant away but my problem is, all the things bugging me today or in the last two weeks I will forget then yet again sit in almost silence wondering what to tell her, but as soon as I get out the door….AHHHHHHHHHH the hulk stirs.  I do have the random comment asking what is my problem? I don’t know. If I know I would be happy and announce it to the universe. I will be a proud lunatic. I just don’t know. The only way I can describe myself is by comparing my self to ‘Mad Fat Diary’ character Rae Earl. Not  100%. I have a relationship with food I either love or hate it, I cannot deal well with issues and have panic attacks and self harm (not for a while now but the thoughts occur now and again) but that’s life. I’m on a long road to getting better I just need to endure the bumps and breakdowns along the way and try and fix them to get moving again.

One good thing that has occurred since my last post is…..I got another fuzz baby. NOT a replacement for Lottie in the slightest but a distraction and a new member of the family. This little ball of fluffy anger is like me, a laid back lunatic. His name is ironically Blue. No he his neither coloured, or acts blue. he is a lively, evil genius in cats pyjamas. His is irritating, cuddly, spiteful and dopey all rolled into something so small. I love him to bits. Blue has made his self truly known in the household. He had terrorised Bandit to the point he is scared of this tiny ninja, become the bestest friends ever with my Nephew and decided mums feet are in fact the greatest toys to ever cross his path. he has learnt ‘Nanny’ is the one that will tell him off and that clawing her will not put him in anyone’s good books and also mum shouldn’t paint her nails because he will chew off all the pain staking hard work. Bottom line is a rebel without cause and a ‘purrfect’ member to the family.

so that kind of wraps up this post. I honestly have a mind block on what else I wanted to write about, no venting on here this week. I will be writing more as a ‘homework assignment’ from my counsellor. If anyone would like to leave any comments on anything really please feel free to. I appreciate the feed back! I will write again in a couple of days. right now I need to get up and get ready because its DATE DAY! woodside Falconry park YEAAAHHHHH have a great day everyone!

Love MJ xxxxxxxx

P.s I met a minion and we fell in Love, its a shame we had to break up after so short a relationship. GOODBYE SWEET MIKE

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Goodbye tiny paws…

Dear Fusionists,

I’m sorry it’s been such a long time since I last wrote, I’ve had a lot on, and I mean a lot. Good and bad. In my absence, we celebrated one year of the fusion blog! AND 100 LIKES on my blog! OMG! Yay go us! A full year, feel awesome about that! What started off as a small space to vent has turned into interest of a lot of people, I thank you all for following my random ranting, and hair brained ideas and a lot of ramblings. I thank you all millions.

Firstly I want to begin with some sad news. I’ve tired writing this post so many times but it didn’t sound right, and I guess it makes it too final and real…On May 20th Sadly my little Kitten Lottie died. As heart breaking it is to see it written here there is no way I can continue to pretend she is with me when clearly she isn’t. I feel 100% responsible for what happened to her and wish more than anything I could rewind and hour before, despite all the kind words people have expressed to me and the loss of my ‘fuzzy child’ I still feel responsible and miss my minion lots. Lottie was run over on a main road in the early hours of the morning, an hour after I let her out. She travelled a lot future than I originally believed and sadly she was hit by a car. I will spare details but my baby was returned to me and is buried by her favourite sunny patch by the pond in the garden. I visit her daily with my boys. We sit and watch bees and the butterflies of the garden, remembering our little spitfire tear around the garden after them. Such a little character.  Our little lady, queen of the White house will be forever remembered and in our hearts. We miss her so much and our lives have a big empty space in it. We still look, cry, call to her, but know even though she physically cannot be here, she is here in spirit and memory.

The loss of Lottie has been hard along with other stressful matters surrounding my life, its times like this you appreciate the light, the goodness, such as friends and sunshine and good food and company. I remind myself how many people are without these to support them through tough times. I cannot say Lottie is my only loss and hurt in my life at the moment, nor is she my only stress. There are other things like in everyone’s lives, things that shouldn’t be shared online (which I shall not be doing) But it’s great to know through tough times I am so overwhelmed by the amazing people in my life and I wish I could repay each and every one of them somehow. And by the amazing friends I say two only. Out of all my friends only two have taken time to sit and listen, offer advice, and show enough kindness to melt the hardest of hearts. I will remember this always. I know you guys read my blog so thank you so much for everything; I cannot express how much I appreciate everything you do for me. You have no idea how much it gets me through the hardest of days and times.

To be honest there isn’t much more I want to add to this post. I am writing something special to Lottie to be posted on this blog, so keep an eye out for that.  I will write again soon guys! Thanks again for the amazing 100 followers! I never expected my like ranty blog would reach 1 person let alone 100! Thank you all!

Write again soon Love

MJ xxxx20140813_162123

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Drifting….

Dear Fusionists

Have you ever felt that sometimes you’re just drifting through life accepting everything thrown at you and just not finding the motivation or will power to slightly give a damn? Yeah same here then. Not friends with me? Do I look like I care? Didn’t pass that exam? Oh well…Lost a job? Whatever. That’s literally my mood at the moment. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing. I suppose not mastering up a happy vibe to celebrate a friend’s triumph is bad but meh…I don’t care.

I have had a pretty rubbish time of things recently and this is the result. I’ve argued and fell out with people, lost things, broken more and quit other stuff. I am annoyed. That is the main thing stirring around in my head at the moment. That I have the same crap dished out all the time and never catch a lucky break.  EVERYONE ELSE DOES! That isn’t even an exaggeration. It’s true. Can you blame me for the ‘meh mood?’

I have a little good news, like a tiny glimmer. I haven’t told anyone and why should i? I discovered I am quite good at what I do in the veterinary-verse. I’ve had two offers from different vets to learn the skills (voluntary to begin with) then sort of study as an intern work based thingy. I should be wowed and excited and honoured to be offered not only one but two separate placements. I can’t even master the energy because I can’t see it lasting. I appreciate the offers and haven’t turned them down but I don’t know what I can do to shake this ‘meh mood’.   I even received my first ever fan mail this last week, from a kid who liked a video I made on Disney crafting. It was sweet and nice to know that something I did made the smallest impact on someone.  This week I haven’t even posted on the site, I feel guilty as I know I’m leaving people hanging but the meh mood is winning.

It’s my birthday in two weeks, and marks a year of keeping this blog. That’s gone so incredibly fast its really scary. Looking over theses posts I do seem to have ambition but have the concentration of a toddler and quit quickly what I start. Maybe all this miss fortune in my life is all my fault and I’m just looking to blame other people? My last post about the close friends was resolved even though now I’m still very iffy about it, but did I bring that on myself? I haven’t a clue. Sometimes I do convince myself it is easier to have no friends or people to share things with, that way you can’t get upset, jealous, angry or resentful to them or yourself. I need to ’review’ a few aspects in my life at the moment and I think for the first ever time to put myself first over everyone. Not listen to what anyone else thinks and do what I like and not mould myself around other peoples likes and personalities and lives. I know for sure my phone book and friends lists need a clean out.  Gym. Slimming world. Career. University. Life.

Mehhhhhhhh…………………….

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Not all that…

Dear fusionists

I never really blog twice in a month but yesterday something really hurt me and I’m feeling the urge to share and hope you guys could offer a little advice. I’m not going into much detail as they may read this and I haven’t done anything about the situation just yet as I haven’t got a clue how to…advice?

I heard that a very close friend of mine had been bad mouthing me and sharing my personal circumstance with another very close friend. Not only am I shocked and hurt by this but both friends have acted like nothing has happened and carry on kissing my butt basically. In all right I should confront these people and demand an explanation but the way I feel at this moment in time I will close down any friendship I have with them. It’s not what was said that’s got me, it’s more the fact that people I know, have known for many years and in trust alot of personal information with are grouping together and betrayed my trust behind my back. If this has happened now, has it happened before?I’m not a bad friend I mean I don’t make promises I cannot realistically keep but if you need me I’m always there if I can be. I’m not perfect, no one is but I am loyal. If I have a problem I’ll say it. The fact this has happened has sent me crawling back into the darkness of depression. Who are my friends or the people I trust to keep information worries concerns confidential? Who can I trust now? Is it even worth making a fuss over or am.i right to be alarmed?

Well if anyone has any advice please share. It’s just playing on my mind and the more I think the more it hurts and I know I can’t avoid it much longer…

On a more goodish note though, as I couldn’t sleep at all last night I manged to paint two more characters on my wall. Maleficent and the Cheshire Cat. I think they look ok considering I was so mad when I started them.

Any ways guys
Thanks for reading random post
hope to hear from you guys soon
Yours sadly MJ xx

image

image

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Disney Mania

stitch_and_toothless_by_tsaoshin-d7i57wg

This picture stole my heart!

Hey fusionists

I know its been a long time and I’m soooooo sorry, I’ve had a lot on! firstly I have had yet another cold, that turned into a nasty chest infection. (not doing so well this year!) so spent time getting over that, reading books, doing the usual vet school studying and also dieting (kind of)

Its my best friends wedding this year so been helping her out. am really excited for her and kind of emotional. she’s been in my life for 11 years and grown up in away together and lived in and out of each others houses now she’s getting married! I am her maid of honour and feel so proud to be so. forget the mother of the bride and typical family members roaring their eyes out, I’ll be first in line! this week we sorted out the followers, to be honest I never knew hoe much goes into a wedding. Its made me even more grateful to be single! (is that bad?)

I have also started decorating my room. There is this  YouTube channel i am addicted to by a guy called Chad Alan. I think his amazing and inspirational (this is all interlinked, I am going somewhere with this, promise.) He is a toy collector and basically does what  he loves despite being a guy who collects dolls. I don’t see a problem with this and never have. because a box is pink, it doesn’t mean its strictly for girls right? I used to prefer playing with action man and transformers and  Lego over Barbie and Baby born ect. He started this kind of Champaign called B.O.L.D (Boys openly loving dolls)  and well its inspired me a lot to do what I love best. I love Disney and always have done. recently I started collecting Disney Tsum Tsums and since then my love for all things Disney has expanded.  As I said before I stared rambling on about YouTube I have started decorating my room. I have made plans for on a adult Disney room with black silhouettes of characters every where. my room is massive so there is plenty of room. On my wall by my door we have Mickey and Minnie Mouse in typical poses and I found this cute stick on Heart shaped mirrors to go between them. on one of the long walls, its a tough one as I have a fire place and a built in wardrobe. so one the empty patch of wall I’m painting it with blackboard paint for doodling days, next to the fire place kind of peeping out from around a corner I am sketching my two favourite Villains Cruella De Ville and Maleficent. On the wardrobe doors I’m painting  a Bambi scene with Bambi, thumper and the great prince. Then the small wall by the window I’m hoping to do the Disney castle with my favourite Disney quote written in the Disney writing above it with a Tinkerbelle and finally on my last long wall I am painting Rapunzel’s Castle with her reading a book, I don’t know what I’m going to do to finish the scene but I might add a flying Dumbo or a mad hatter tea party with a Cheshire cat . If you want to see pictures of progress of this comment below and tell me what other characters you think I should add!

Sticking with the Disney madness, I have started a YouTube channel sharing my collection with everyone as it grows, these include Tsum Tsums, Vinyalmations, Funko pops Disney and if I can find them anywhere the Disneyland Pins (but only the ones I like, not going to go crazy and buy every single one!) so that brings me to my last bit of exciting Disney news…I have booked myself my very first Disney holiday! I am so excited. me, my brother, his girlfriend, my nephew my mum and my best friend are all going to Disneyland Paris for my birthday, my best friends birthday and my nephews birthday, we’re all literally days apart! I am so excited! will defiantly be blogging, and vlogging while I’m there.

so that’s all my news for now! Comment below for Disney suggestions and check out my new YouTube and Chads on the links below thanks for reading guys, hope you all have a great Easter if I don’t write before, and I’ll blog again soon, take care

MJ xxx

Chads channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx95RSyGUWKYWpuSxu7XHsA

My new channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNUeh1klIQ2bu1wSwzKuipQ

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Proud to be who I am

image

Hello fusionist!

How are you all doing?  It’s a typical British evening here, windy and raining.  Have spent the week home recovering from this cold still (turns out it’s a nasty virus and now take tablets that could knock a cow out for hours!). Had a mixed week where I’ve been ill  haven’t done anything but think so, thinking too deeply about stuff like friendships and things. 

I had a worrying moment where I thought none of my friends and I have anything in common at all and it got me down but then I though it doesn’t matter. I like who I am and I’m not going to change that.

This very moment in time my mind, thoughts, actions are revolving around animals. All animals.  Care, habits, where can I see them. I can’t seem to learn enough at the moment.  I have adopted a snow leopard, amur leopard and a rhino.  Three creatures that to be fair do not get the big ENDANGERED ad as a polar bear, tiger or elephant. As a perk I also get information on these beautiful creatures and get to watch them live exclusively.  I LOVE big cats!!

Next week I am going to be knuckling down back to the books and get studying.  Have wildlife reading to do and plans for the house and garden, my bedroom I’m most looking forward to decorating.  And I’m babbling on! Haha.

Next week I will settle at my computer and write a proper blog post about stuff. Maybe animal profiles and stuff. Hope you all have a lovely week and we’ll catch up soon!
Riri xx

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Poorly person!

image

Possible new wallpaper design?

Hello fusionist.
I’m ill, for the fifth time this year. I cannot believe my luck! My head feels like it is going to roll off into the lap of my cat and be kicked around like a catnip toy! Air hugs required.

Not been up to much since my last post.  Concentrated on exams and stuff for vet school, and walked around my house for
the millionth time discussing decorating with myself ( a fatal flaw of living alone) and have come up with a color scheme for each room. (Perk of living alone – my house, my colours, my rules!) I have also discussed pet issues with myself.

Well not so much “issues” just being cute baby animal broody.  I really want a dog. A cute little puppy that Will be mine and I will love him…yeah ok then. Luckily for me I have a head on my shoulders and know at this moment financially this is impossible.  It isn’t fair to get a dog if I cannot afford to care for him. So I talked reasonably to myself (not literally) but have decided when the time is right in a few years maybe, I will be getting a dog, much to my cats pure hatred.

I considered another cat then thought why? I have three beautiful cats who I worship and love to bits. Why would I want more? I do not want to be a crazy cat lady by name AND nature. So I’ve decided (again with the reasoning part of my brain) if we can afford it and the landlord is okay with it and I’m 100% sure about it all…I want to get guinea pigs again some. Point this year or next. I miss these little wheekers so much and I think they are now a part of  me.  It feels so odd not having any. I miss it. 

I have also started a new vlog on YouTube. God knows why but I have so if anyone wants to check that out, I will post the link in the next post as I can’t do it from my mobile which I’m typing this on now. So a bit of a nerd at the moment really. The vlog is more about the pets I think, and my hobbies (when I discover some) and things like that.

So a bit of homework for my followers if you guys don’t mind. Please can someone suggest some new fun hobbies for me to try and review, something different would be awesome and possibly something you think I might want to carry on with?   What do you guys do for fun?  Please share!

I’m off to grab a wad of tissue and crawl back into bed. So ill! Thanks guys for reading,  take care all
Write soon
Riri xxx

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment