Where is the time going? Half way through April already!
What’s more shocking is I go to Greece Saturday and it doesn’t feel like I booked it in February. Been a weird couple of month since I last blogged. Want to try to make this a regular thing again. I do miss it actually and its an hour or so I actually get to myself.
Everything’s OK I guess. Had behaviour issues with minion, where his been really naughty at school. Where I had to be a real adult and attend school meetings and even though I’m 27 it’s still scary getting called into the head teachers office. His been a nightmare by the sounds of it. Am proud that we actually got him up to date on all his reading. He was behind for ages but we worked hard and finally got him up there. It’s just behaviour now. It (before Easter) had been appalling to say the least. Not listening, playing up, back chatting and even destroying school property. His behaviour was the same at home, was disgusted really. He went from bad to worse and I was literally at the point of walking away. I kept thinking his not my child why the hell should I take this crap? Lucky for James and Rowan I stayed, endured, stressed myself to oblivion but got through it. HE spent a week
At his mothers if that’s what you can call her. He soon changed his tune.
Before he went he wanted to back there, he went the Friday afternoon, when it got to the following Thursday, he wanted to come home. He told his dad he wanted to be with us and not his mum. According to HER he’d been naughty the entire time, broken everything he’d touched and was just not a pleasant child. He’d been fighting with the other kids (Yeah, she has another son and took on her partners son, four months younger than Rowan full time. After she gave Rowan away) and basically everything that was wrong that week was his fault….sure, five kids in the house and its his fault. Funny right? So any ways it got to Saturday and he came home and he was super happy to be home. I’d enjoyed the week of peace I wont lie, was nice to sleep in to gone 10 and not have to thing for everyone in the house, but I had missed him a little. We asked Rowan if he had fun, He said yeah but not too sure, we asked and he said a week is too long so we agreed 3 to 4 days in future and he said ‘Mummy doesn’t want me that long any more, she said I’m a danger to other children’ Well I wasn’t impressed. In fact I was so mad I was shaking. Rowans 4 years old. Who says that to a 4-year-old. I stood up for my boy said my bit…..and I got in trouble for it! Yep. James ended up in this long conversation with HER and yeah I got snapped at by my LOVE for standing up for my boy.
It’s such a hard position to be in. Rowan sees me as his mum, I look after him minimum 28 days a month, 3 out of 7 days a week it’s just the two of us, I do everything around the house and everything he needs like booking appointments sorting out his school stuff, making sure he gets all his homework done, read books with him, but I’m not allowed to say when someone is treating him wrong. I feel like a glorified baby sitter. I don’t get paid, I do it because I love them, so much I need to say something if someone is being horrible to my child. I can’t win. It’s still bitter now.
Any way’s, I asked Rowan what he’d dome with his mum, nothing, He said he’d been out once that week (7 in a two bedroom flat) and that was just to see his dad on the Thursday market. He’d spent the entire week in front of the TV, or playing Minecraft n the Xbox which we’re mad at. HIS 4!! he shouldn’t be playing video games!! So this week I’ve got him out as much as possible.
Had a few firsts too, We went to Magic Castle soft play, Bowling, cinema, his had play days with my niece and Nephew, his had more fun this week than his probably had in his life.
Apart from parenting life’s been pretty quite. Wedding planning, setting up my new business which I’m so excited for. (links on Blog page) and we booked our Disney holiday finally. Suppose given all the drama and the crap we still have a lot to look forward to, I know things get hard with kids and I wont tell a lie, these last couple of months have put me off wanting and having my own. (No it still hasn’t happened for us yet) I do often question if this is the life I want. Three years ago when I first met James I never thought this would be our life together, rasing his child, working from home and trying and failing to create our own minion whilst planning our wedding. I never believed I would meet anyone let alone get married and have a child let alone a step child. Everything new, and scary and I know deep down despite all the havoc, arguments, hair pulling, I am happy. Yes depression is still very present in my life but I don’t think as much as it once was. The only thing really depresses me if every single month I get another negative test and a visit from aunt fly. Think the heartache lies there. It’s really hard raising someone elses kid knowing it may never happen for you.
Will try to write again in a couple of days, PRE GREECE HOLIDAY POST!
All my love and best wishes