Reviewing matters with a Whistling Window

Hello Fusionists

I have this evening/night been reviewing my posts so far on this blog and wow what a journey. From vet, student to Counsellor, from wanting to sell up and travel to dieting and movie reviews. fusion has remained what I wanted it for originally, I pace to ramble freely, talk about interest but mostly help me with my self discovery and being true to myself and I hope it will do for many more years to come.

I have decided to bring back a popular favourite on this blog which was dieting diaries. I sure there are many people out there who face the same struggles with food as I do, I will also be catching up with fusion fiction and fusion films and of course just blogging in general.

This week has been a real rollercoaster. I cannot tell you what an emotionally challenging week it has been. it began really last weekend. my first counselling assignment. IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT! the entire things was so stressful. it was a ROLE PLAY. if I wanted to act I would have auditioned for Harry Potter movies, EastEnders or even Game Of Thrones, WHY WOULD I BE A WOMENS REFUGE WORKER!?! I had to be this worker and the oh great Yoda or Knowledge about counselling and the Cognitive Dissonance Theory…seriously what refuge worker will know about Cognitive Dissonance!? I’d never heard of it to last week when the course told me about it….FYI its a theory that humans thrive if they are psychologically consistent. If some one disagrees with them its mentally upsetting and that human nature is to react to ease this by either agreeing or taking action against but also easing the discomfort….make sense? (learnt something didn’t you? Didn’t know this blog could be educational did you…neither did I to be honest with you) so anyways, Becky was my willing volunteer and no joke holding a recorded 10 minute conversation was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I cant talk for 10 minutes! not about going to counselling anyways.

So anyways after an hour and half of trying we finally finished (the conversation was only 5 minutes long, but I was so mad I hardly cared) after we went for breakfast/lunch to celebrate what a fail that was. All I had to do was upload it to the website and its done. well sounded simple right…to hell was it. The website REFUSED to accept it. I tried on my laptop, mums, my tablet, mums tablet, my phone, and then 4 pcs at work AND even got my Dad in London to try from his laptop. from the first time it refused I contacted my University to tell them….I rang, 13 times leaving 13 voice mails (over 4 days) sent 10 emails to tutors, university officials, my tutor, the IT department, no one responded, my assignment end up late and no one bothered to answer my distress. It put a lot of doubt in my mind, maybe I’m not cut out to be a counsellor as at the tiny hurdle I was all ready to drivee to the Humber bridge and jump off it and end my own misery (in to=thought, not in real life) I was mad and just kept pitting myself down, for those four days I was pure miserable. Monday I was fuming, I wanted to quit and just do anything but that. back to the careers office settle for something easier like always….Everyone I spoke to told me not to quit, Becky, Dave, James, Helen (AKA Goose) and most people at work…not my boss she’s in Spain and part of me wishes she wasn’t as I’m most likely to listen to her than anyone, we don’t call her mother for no reason. On Tuesday I despaired making a choice to stay or go.

Wednesday in my final plea to remain I wrote a Angry email to my advisor, Lorraine. I didn’t want to bother her or take any of it out on her because no joke from day one she has helped me with every single thing, she seems to be the only one that works there but I emailed her as a last resort and just made a formal complaint about the university, their crap student services and asked how can I leave or transfer to another, preferably Hull. Well…I got a response in a minute, literally. my mail box dinged and Lorraine apologised, and got on to it that moment. Put it this way, shes still dealing with it now. Their system is crap that its still being delt with.

Well once stress starts it doesn’t stop, everything becomes stressful and off putting. I was at home Thursday just looking out the window watching the birds in my trees and I got the biggest panic attack of my life, I have no idea where it came from or what triggered it. It was so bad I was shouting stop stop stop to my voice hurt, it took about an hour for it to fully pass. was sweating and cold, felt sic and couldn’t stop shaking for ages. my breath was that of an asthmatic. I still cant put a finger on where it came from, it was so rapid it was like drowning. anyone who experiences them will know how physically draining it can be. I didn’t do much else for the rest of the day.

Friday was better. I saw my bestie Charmaine, and my gorgeous God Kids, and went out with Becky to KFC and the cinema. we saw the movie Central Intelligence. Oh My was sooo funny. my sides killed when I got out, The Rock I have never found attractive to I watched that movie, it honestly is the best movie I’ve seen this year and will review it tomorrow no doubt. Definitely cheered me up. after we went to Hubbard for a walk. I have that Pokémon GO game so had a nosey for Pokémon as we walked while humming the theme from the TV series. (I caught a Ghasty and was very proud as it was a bugger to get!) To be honest that game has been a welcome distraction for the last couple of days. I love it. I think I will explore tomorrow with my iPod and a bottle of waster and see what I can find.

And there was today. It started miserable. Its rained all day. No joke, it has tipped it down which makes for a rubbish day, you can’t do much or anything. I went and saw James (Steve-I got his permission to use his real name, so Steve’s real name is James haha- Just to clear that up)

James works on  market selling toys, movie memorabilia and video games, so its always fun to go see what new stuff he has (before I met him, I had two key rings on my keys, now I have about 20) we usually hang out Wednesdays and Saturdays, mainly if I have time but now I try and keep them free to see him. I enjoy his company and the stalking session and just plain messing about with such an awesome friend, who I AM SO GREATFUL TO HAVE. he doesn’t read the blog so I know he wont see this but I am truly grateful for his friendship, his honest and blunt and says it how it is. Becky does all this but its refreshing coming from someone else and he just makes me laugh and feel good about myself and makes me happy to be me really. Today he wasn’t really happy when I first arrived, the rain was nasty and he was in one of those cannot be bothered but have to be here kind of moods. I got up coffee and Bacon buns and just chatted as always, had a right laugh. Then I left him for a couple of hours to shop and lunch with mum which was nice as we don’t see much of each other right now with us both having busy schedules.

I managed to get a book and a couple of DVDs and I went looking at Joe Browns stuff and was happy just being almost girly for a little while, looking at dresses and nail varnish and handbags, its okay to like both I know. Then after that we had lunch at a small tea café which I adore called Tina’s, the manger there is such a nice guy and we always have a little chat. The food there and milkshakes are to die for. After that I went and got some drinks and returned James and stayed through to half 5. I just love his company, I would choose it over anyone’s right now to be honest.

I feel okay now, thanks to mainly Becky, James and Charmaine, My Dexter and Ariana and of course Oscar and Verity. I just wish that things could be different sometimes. I wish for lots of things, mostly right now I’m thinking want to start a Vlog and keep up with this blog. I want to do something creative, as in work from home right now and still practice to be a counsellor.

WHY IS THIS LAPTOP SO ANNOYING! its underlining everything and I have no idea why…

Tomorrow instead of being boring and working I am going to look at other blogs and give this one a makeover. its been the same for a long time and needs a professional touch to it now, than the almost childish thing it is. I need to recreate some pages and rewrite the bucket list and entwine this with my real paper journal I write in everyday. Tomorrow I will write the first re-instalment dieting diaries and kitty blog😀 I need to plan on paper first. hehe

Thanks to my lovely followers the fusionists who have followed this blog through everything that I have done and changed my mind and talk myself into and out of. Hoping for a smoother journey. Knowing me and my Anxiety, depression, OCD and other disorders it wont be…but where’s the fun in that haha!

Love MJ xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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T-Rex arms!!

Well, this is going to be a struggle to write as I cannot move my upper arms!! ahhhh! what is happening! (its all self inflicted and I will get to that in a moment!)

Hello Dear fusionists! I cannot actually say how long it has been because I am unsure! I have a book review and movie review to post later but I thought I would just catch up on life.

Firstly I had the biggest crisis I’ve had in a long time. Is and will remain to be 100% my fault and will continue to be to I have corrected the problem. Out of interest two weeks go I went to the doctors to check on my weight. been feeling very yuck and tired and slow and thought maybe I’ve gained a little weight…..I wish it was a little. As I know my friends read this I wont write my actual weight but from the later time I checked it was almost a stone and half added on top of my already over weight self. Well panic stations, never in my life have I reached that figure for my weight, nor will I ever again. That was the kick in the teeth I needed to DO SOMETHING. I joined back at the gym that day ditched every sugary, fatty, sweetened, cakey item to my neighbour and started fresh. Salads, grilled meat, hardly any diary, no chocolate, cake and that rubbish. plenty of fruit, veg and eggs (protein) and do you know what I lost 10lbs in my first week. I’m amazed how simple it is! Still drinking plenty of water, more when I’m at the gym, which is most days for an hour or two and I now much against my liking, swim. been more over these past two weeks than I have in probably years. I have a one to one booked with a instructor to help improve my swimming abilities and get over my water fear. positive changes. Even thought today I ache ( I swam 12 lengths yesterday which is mazing for someone like me who hates water touching them)I may still go to the gym this afternoon for an hour. I do enjoy it massively.

what else has happened? not much really. friend problems will soon go away. I am putting no.1 first as I regularly tell my friends themselves. maybe I should listen to my own advise for once. University is good, I’m on a break for a couple of weeks and I should get my results back.

I’m not sure about the role plays I have to do though. I know what I have to say and do but the whole idea of talking to a camera is scary, sure I’ve Vlogged before but this is different, its like what I want to say its there but it comes out wrong and doesn’t make sense. I have plenty of prep time but I still don’t like it.it needs to be 10 minutes long and I tried on my own and it lasted 3 minutes tops. ugh, I think it depends on what the other person is going to be asking. I think I over think things and worry too much.

Well I’m off to catch up with the new series of Orange is the New Black. Been waiting for this for ages!

Lots of love
MJ xx

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Fusion Film- Angry Birds

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Based off the popular mobile game, Angry bird finally comes to the big screen where all your favourite birds now have names and can talk and stuff.

Red is a lonely ‘ Angry bird.’ his life hasn’t gone the way his planned like other birds on the island. he is miss understood and an outcast. after being sentenced to Anger Management for ruining a child’s hatch day party, red meets Boom and chuck and Terrance. (the other angry bird gang)

This movie has humour for both young and older audiences, it has references to other cult movies which makes the movie more fun and enjoyable. Its not a very long movie but the story fits well and the characters do reveal how they become the ‘Angry Birds’ we have all played at some point.

Its cute and fun for kids, and isn’t that long, so they wont get that bored.

3/5

 

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Fusion Films -Alice through the looking glass

 

ESPEC-Alice-Through-the-Looking-Glass-16022016-191154I was so excited to see this movie, I loved the first one so much and it has some of my favourite actors and actresses in so I had high hopes!

Alice finds ‘Underland’ when following absolem the butterfly through the looking glass. The mad hatter is ill and needs Alice to bring him the only thing that will make him well, his family. Hatters family died though years before so its down to Alice and the help of time to find out the truth about the Hatters family.

I was a little disappointed as far as a Disney movie goes. Having big name stars like Johnny Depp, Mia Wasikowska, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter and the late Alan Rickman I had hopes that the magic experienced in the new movie would be almost the same.

The story alone was good enough to be a stand alone movie, but if you hadn’t seen the first movie would have got a bit lost with some of the characters. The introduction to Sacha Baron Cohens character of Time was definably my favourite new charter. Personifying Time as a person was pure genius and each life as a ticking clock brought home the phrase ‘life is short’ In all a good follow up, the visual is as ever amazing.

3/5

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Massive long Blog, Reach the end you can have a cookie

Dear fusionists

It feels like a long time since I just sat and typed without it reviewing something or other and that’s not what I set out to do on this blog, I do enjoy that stuff but now that I’m trying to do it all the time I don’t enjoy it that much, reading back other my blog info this blog was about self discovery, which I still need. I guess at them moment I’m struggling again to work this out. I want to do so much but I’m so limited its frustrating. I think I will keep up Fusion Fiction, Fads and Film but only when I actually read or am into something and not force myself into it. I enjoy blogging. that’s why I stared this and that’s the way I should carry on.

where to start?  well things are pretty good in my life right now, I wouldn’t say they are perfect, but who has a perfect life? its improved to say the least. I recently had my 26th birthday, was uneventful, I had a family BBQ which was nice as it was so hot. I got a new laptop!! Which was badly needed, smart nippy little thing it is too! Spent time with the minions too, I love spending time with the kids though as it always is. Dexter would you believe is two tomorrow. I still remember writing the blog post announcing his existence. Ariana is now 6 months old, she has two tiny front teeth and is absolutely gorgeous, I couldn’t be more proud of them. I love them so much.

I am now a part-time student of counselling, Well I should be if my Uni pull their finger out and accept me onto the course, I’ve been enrolled and a student since April, the course is paid for and everything but online I am not a student I haven’t paid or been accepted onto the course, talk about mixed signals, actually is drove me insane as I have assignments I cannot complete as I cant access all of the course, stupid right? I’ve spent half the day sending angry emails to anyone who will read them. Didn’t take me a lot to get riled. been a pretty angry person these last couple of weeks, no real reason for it, I just feel mad? I’m just going with it, makes a change from sad, worried and all the rest.

Today I changed my diets again and feel a bit happier but miserable, as soon as I start salads and that kind of healthy eating lark my body hates me. not even a joke. I can usually snack a couple of time sand be happy (not even on bad stuff, like fruit and those healthy cereal type bar tings) but today I introduce myself onto three set meals and health snacks and no joke IM STARVING! what in the brain does this! seriously considering hypnotherapy to get rid of the craving so I’ve decided to diet without the diet…sounds odd I know, I will have no sugar, butter ect which I can deal with actually but when it comes to chocolate and cake I am allowed but not to go bat crap crazy on. Within reason shall we say. I have a calorie counter on my phone which scares me because I fear numbers (its a me thing) and I will be deleting it before midnight tonight. As part off this ‘diet’  I am walking 10,000 steps or more a day which helps, I burn off an average 600+ calories which is good in my eyes, will be better when return to the gym next week though. Oh and I must tell you about a new app I found….Plant Nanny. No I’m not crazy and it is relevant.

Plant Nanny is a ‘reminder app’ with a cute little extra. I am literally the worlds worse person for drinking water, I can happily get by on a cup of coffee a day, which is BAD! I downloaded the app filled in the details (weight, activity level) and it tells you how much water you should drink. As I am now an active person and bigger than average my water income is around 9-10 glasses a day…wait that isn’t all, as a little encouragement to drinking this water you have a plant. its adorable. each time you have a glass of water and check it off this little plant drinks and grows, seriously its so cute and its worked. I have (miraculously) drank 10 glasses of water.  only thing with that is I’m terrified to laugh, sneeze cough of anything too ‘jiggling’ as my tiny bladder will not cope with it all. You do pee for Britain but weirdly in all I feel a lot better, don’t feel so tired or sick or ‘run down’ and this is day one.  Not bad. its a free app, definitely worth a try.

A few other things now, I am getting a dog once I return from Lanzarote. I need one for work. Yes you read that correctly. I am getting a puppy for WORK. I am thinking ahead. as in my counselling course I really want to study AAT (animal assisted Therapy) and entwine it into my sessions with children and teens, animals make anyone feel better and I know this from experience. I need to train a PAT dog and turn them into a AAT dog, following specifications. If that doesn’t work out he/she will just be a new member to the family. I miss Tess so much still and walking alone really sucks. so I’m looking around now and will pick towards the time. Either a Labrador or a Border collie.

In social news….My friends are good, depends which one you want to know about… My BFF is awesome as ever, we had a fun day out I want to say the weekend before last…? we went to Lincoln and we took tiny Deadpool with us and it was hysterical taking pictures and toy shopping. I love her sooooooo much! I’ve seen Charmaine and the kids they’re okay, I’ve been banished by my’ Friend’ from years ago who has not only screwed me over but binned me AGAIN for no reason. I give up, if she cant give me reasons or anything she might as well leave me alone. I did feel hurt to begin with, I mean who wouldn’t but now I think her loss, She isn’t teaming with friends so if she wants to dump the one good friend she has that’s her choice, I wont be going back to her….sounds like a weird relationship right?  I still have a angry stalkers keeping an eye but they don’t bother me too much, if they start u’ll get rid, more people I can do without, but I’m listening to that saying, keep your friends close but your enemies closer. You maybe watching me, but I’m watching all of you.

Okay down to my issues. I have a find who I see a lot (not naming no names as they maybe reading this, we shall call them Bobbie) so Bobbie is a really nice person who would do anything for you but is now proving to be quite annoying sometimes. I enjoy bobbies company on the day I do see them and don’t get me wrong we have a laugh but the conversation is always the same thing, their pets always do the same thing, nothing is ever new. it grates on me when they try to copy me. okay its taken me YEARS to accept who I am and what I like and all this, Bobbie is taking away what makes me, Me and I don’t like it. Its okay when it comes to movies or books that’s normal but clothes, fads, and wants…no too far. Bobbie has started getting things I do, and I’m not sure Bobbie is even as big of fan as me. I’m not big headed enough to say I am NO.1 fan of so and so you cant out do me but DONT pretend to be something you are not. I hate it, I buy a dvd Bobbie buys the same DVD, I want collect these figures, Bobbie wants to. I want this album, Bobby buys that album, what drive me more insane though is when I have a broke week after paying all my bills on my house (Bobbie lives with their parents) We will go around town and Bobbie will pretty much buy all the things I said I liked in (out of habit more than anything) AHHHHHHHH infuriating.  the thing that is really ticking me off at the moment is related to a new ‘friend’ in my life.

Okay lets start this part properly. I have met someone. Which is HUGE for me. I have been single for 4 going on 5 years now as I keep getting screwed around and sometimes it too painful with he weight of losing a child always at the back of your mind, I’ve always been way too scared to get involved. This time is so different. firstly I started it. Not like me. I liked him from the start, its terrifying, but I do and well I was absolutely rubbish at hiding it. Secondly he gets it. all of it, seems with both screwed up individuals with a crappy passed. He likes me (well I think) He has a child which as first scared me something chronic as I’ve seen the good and the bad with ex’s and all that I don’t want that drama, but his on good terms with his ex and has his child on a regular bases. They are also the same age as Dexter so not too scarily old that I can be classed as the evil lady trying to steal their dad. I would never. I do not want to steal ANYONE or replace anyone either. so we’ll getting along well, I see him Wednesdays and Saturdays at the moment as that’s the only time we can both spare but it suits us. In comes Bobbie. Bobbie is well aware of this thing between us and STILL flirts with him. Steve (name changed again) does not like this, nor do I. Its weird. Bobbie will go see him alone while his working and tell him thinks Bobbie doesn’t even share with me…? Steve knows Bobbie likes him but when we both saw him on Saturday he made it well known he likes me. Bobbie was obviously displeased and has been ratty and off with me since. Not 100% off but just enough to notice. I’m not about Saturday (possibly) as its Dexter’s party, Bobbie is invited but hasn’t confirmed anything, I think its because Becky is going but to be honest Becky is my sister, bestie for life, as well as Dexters’ honouree auntie.  She has more right than Bobbie.

so anyways, if Bobbie doesn’t go to the party, will be hanging around Steve at work all day and I don’t like that thought. Nor does he. Why would you do that to your friends? I don’t know what to do about it just yet, I will have to think of something soon.

Anyways dear fusionist, I will be back blogging properly a lot more now, I will keep up with the other blog things too, but I’m not forcing it. To all those who made it here, enjoy the cookie!

All the best my friends

Love MJ xx

 

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Fusion Fiction: Orbiting Jupiter

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This isn’t the longest book review but the book itself wasn’t very long at all, and I don’t want to say too much and ruin the story, if you like the sound of it, seriously READ IT! you wont regret it😀

Saddest book I have read so far, this year…. Not the longest novel in the world but beautifully written, and tragic. Just *cry*

Fourteen-year-old Joseph is one of those kids that parents don’t want their kids hanging around with, his bad news, his trouble. Joseph has a bad reputation which follows him from place to place and always turns up like a bad penny. He is the foster kid that tried to kill his teacher, and at fourteen he is a father.

This book hooked me from page one. Told in the view of twelve-year-old jack as Joseph enters their lives. Through Jack we learn a lot about everything Joseph has been through and how he got to be with them and about his daughter named Jupiter. This story is powerful and about second chances. Its honest and full of love and goodness. 

I wasn’t expecting Orbiting Jupiter to be like this, it’s so heart-breaking but reinsuring at the same time. Its thought provoking and will make you smile and weep and feel what the characters do.  Absolutely blown away with it.

 

5 out 5

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Fad Friday! DEADPOOL

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Dear Fusionists!

Anyone who has followed this blog for a long time will know I weekly change my interests and obsessions. This week is DEADPOOL!

Ah deadpool. My favourite anti hero in the world. Since I watched the movie earlier this year I have been a fan but recently more and more of one. I have been deadpool crazy all week because of my friend who sold me a deadpool plushie. Omg his amazing! Now his our mascot and comes everywhere with me.

Deadpool ah I love him! Waiting for he dvd have the lego mini figures, key rings and even looming to get the hoodie! I won’t lie I’ve never read a comic but I will.
I NEED TO!

Just a quick post, sorry but will be back on Sunday for the weekly round up.
Take care guys

Love MJ xx

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