Back to School Season!!

Dear Fusionists!

Yay today is that day! its filled with that feeling of changes and new beginnings! 1st of September. Every year on the first I get so excited, I want to buy new stationary for no reasons and a new folder and all the other back to school goodies…even though I am 25. I love this time of year, I love Autumn and the chilly mornings when you breathe in you can feel the cold filling your lungs and the cold on your nose. LOVE IT!

Today also is the first Tuesday of September, there for all those fellow Tsum Tsum collectors know, its release day! Nightmare before Christmas Tsums NOW on sale, ordered mine yay. I am just in general excited, its a September thing!

At the weekend, my bestie for life took me on a ‘date’ to cheer me up and take my mind off of my head issue and other drama in my life. Being a surprise I get to sit in the car and guess inwardly where are we going? to be honest I didn’t have a clue, for a moment I was convinced it was a trip to Ikea as we have previously discussed we need to go there. I was wrong…As we travelled on, nattering, playing the  ‘Stobart’ game and just having a giggle. we ventrally arrived at Yorkshire wildlife Park! OMG! excitement overload. I LOVE ANIMALS, and I love wildlife parks and learning and all these key things all in one place. Becky really knows the way to my heart. Animals, Disney and food. what made this so much more exciting it, we saw POLAR BEARS! yes not your average creature roaming around the Yorkshire countryside, but these were beautiful and so mesmerising to watch. They were rescued from a Mexican zoo and kept in tiny tiny cages and well to see them now playing in their own lake and being able to play and move and walk and swim is a beautiful thing. The one we were watching (Victor) was playing with a plastic bottle, it did remind me of the classic coke adverts. so cute!

we saw loads of other animals too, my heart is always with cats, big or small, even though I admit polar bears won this round, we saw Tigers, Lions all been rescued, we saw wallabies, Owls, Hawks, Giraffes, Leopards, Meerkats and so much more. it was such a great day out. After that we went o Frankie and Bennies, I love their food. its the best. and then to top off our date we went to the cinema and watched ‘Paper Towns’.

The movie was better than I expected, I have the book and I haven’t read it. I like John Green and after watching/reading The fault in Our stars, was very keen to see this. It was not what I was expecting in the slightest. Its very impacting on the way you look and choose to spend your time in your life, it made me think in the 25 years I’ve spent on earth what have I done? what have I achieved? what do I want, what can I do? I want to travel, but not back pack, I want a good steady job where I can help people, the way some people help me, everyone needs help at some point or someone to talk to so why not be me? I want to tick off things on my bucket list and fund raise and try as many new things as possible, if they work out or don’t. Its the life experience at the end of the day.

so this brings me back to this day…The day I enrolled into college, the day I have finally picked a degree to study and hopefully become. The excitement of college, and studying, not just for me but others, I want to be that person that helps a young person achieve what they want out of their lives, I want to be the person to show them, you’re life is worth living, I have been to the same dark place and trust me their is light at the other end. Things do get better and you cab be who you want to be if you put your mind to it. (I know its so cliché but its true!) I have tried and fail in 4 different careers, why did I fail? My heart was clearly not in it. Not life now. I have a passion to help people, even thought I do feel sometimes they just don’t deserve it but people can change.  I am living evidence.

I have enrolled to become a counsellor, much like my own beloved Mika, who I owe so much to. I want to help children and teens, and young adults as I do believe it can be the hardest time in your life, the transition from child to adult. the world is a scary place, I know, it still scares me, but you got to do it! you’re not going to get another shot at it.

so now I’m going to review my becket list and see if there is anything I can tick off of it, something new. Start learning another language? start a new hobby? I will let you all know.

First Vlog goes up tonight. eeeeeep1 wish me luck

Lots of love MJ xxx

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Finding Joy when Sadness, Anger and Fear are at the contols

Dear fusionist

If you get the reference to the title you have obviously seen the magic that is Disney’s Inside Out. I cannot express how accurate that movie describes depression and, Fear is the image of Anxiety. I praise Disney for this creativity funny but very Deep movie. It reminded me of my childhood in so many ways and brought back the adventures I shared with my very own imaginary best friend. If you haven’t seen it…GO NOW!

So, not such a great week in the MJ household, there’s a lot of things I have on my mind, and a lot of people, places and a small tiny group of passions waiting in line. The worse thing about depression? losing everything you really enjoy. By losing I mean, not being able to like that anymore, not matter how much you try and try. Its horrible. so what have I done to help this? My main joys have always been writing and reading. At the moment that is a no go, I cant read a book because I cannot get into it the way I used to, the same with writing and drawing, I just look over what I’ve done and feel even more disappointed in myself.

What to do? FIND A NEW PASSION! so I did. In small doses I have created and still am creating a scrapbook of happy things, that I have done with friends, family or myself. its got things I’ve collected and when I flicked through the pages I met with happy memories and ones that haven’t turned sour. I’m taking time over it as my creativity comes and goes like waves. I am proud of it though and will upload photos to show you all soon :D

My other passion is at the moment I have found a crazy joy in collecting Disney Tsum Tsums. There is a whole community of ADULTS out there who Love these tiny stackable Disney beanies. I love Tsum Tsum people! I have made friends and I get to trade and build my collection with people with the same passion. I now have around 30 of them and 6 of them came from a friend who lives in Hong Kong. I can get a bit obsessed when I hear news and I find myself nattering on and on to my mum about it who obviously doesn’t know what I am talking about but none of my friends collect them or find the same joy, so that’s when the Tsum Tsum addicts Facebook group comes in. I am now a regular and I love discussing future releases and feeling excitement or having something to look forward to when initially your outlook on life is pretty bleak.

With Tsum Tsums came another passion, well two. Gaming and YouTube. Firstly gaming. Disney Tsum Tsums started off as a Japanese game and soon became a big hit. I love the game and have well over 1500 friends who I play with on a regular bases. You try keeping in the top 20 every week when people score over 4 million point *phew*. After this the toys came out and well, that was it. When I looked up Tsum Tsums on YouTube I found Chad Alan, Radio JH Audrey, Cybernova, Dollastic, Dude With Dolls, and hundreds more. These guys and girls introduced me to the world of collecting toys no matter what age or gender you are and just about being yourself. Mostly Chad Alan. He is a guy that likes Dolls and I am totally with him all the way. If I had a son and he wanted to play with a Barbie or my little pony or a girl that was into hot wheels and Lego I wouldn’t stop them. Through Chad, I found Minecraft. My big gaming passion, where I play mini games online against people or offline where I just build and play the game and have me time a and fun. With craft came more youtubers, especially my favourite gaming Youtuber LDshadowlady. I LOVE HER! and as I write this she has just uploaded a new video *sqeeeeee*

LDShadowlady AKA Lizzie has introduced me to more games, new and retro, including the Sims 4, Five nights at Freddy’s, Wheels and going back to the good old days, Pokémon. so right now Gaming is a huge passion, I like being someone else and being about to get away from the negativity currently in my life and just pretend to be someone else. Tonight I’m going ton minecraft just to wander around being a crazy person with a diamond sword. Its FUN! My brother today has made the cubbishness of this week fade as he bought me a retro Gameboy off Ebay with some games including the original Pokémon. Did I ever mention I have the world best brother?? I just did!

And finally Blogging has become a passion too. Being able to tell everyone what its like to be me and about my life is amazing. sharing stories is one of the only things I love about being human. Our ability to tell and share stories, We are constantly doing it everyday. its a beautiful thing we can do and nearly everyone takes advantage of.  sharing stories, about ourselves, someone else, something we’ve learnt. teaching each others. That’s why Blogging and Vlogging is so amazing. you’re not just telling that one person, you’re sharing it for hundreds or more people to read, learn, laugh, cry and experience.

What do you guys do for fun? are you gamers, Writers, readers? do you play sports? or do you watch reruns of Glee/ (I am so guilty of this BUT I LOVE IT)

its really not easy finding a joy when you think the world is against you or you think its over sooner than its began. I know right now I feel like my life is spiralling out of control again but at least these small things are keeping me rooted and reminding me that’s who I am, that’s what I Like and that’s what I am going to be and Do as its my happiness not anyone else’s.

Okay jabbered enough, I’m off to take painkillers for the head pain (see previous post) and going o watch stome Youtube Vids and get my game on!

Laters guys Love MJ xxx

BOOOM

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Fears

Dear fusionists,

For the last couple of days, I haven’t had such a great time. When it rains it pours on me and some of the things that may sound juvenile are actually building up into a ball of anxiety and fear and sadness. I want to share these things with you, to shine a light on what actually makes a person feel the way they do, and I don’t have my counsellor for 3 weeks now because she’s on holiday and I really wish she wasn’t. so let’s start.

Tuesday 25th August 2015

Well this day sucked. From start to finish. It started with the bank cash point eating my card. Nice. As a result, I cannot pay my bills ON TIME, so next mission, ring up bank to order new card and ring up bill agencies to say I WILL BE PAYING 5 DAYS LATER THAN PLANNED IN TILL MY NEW CARD ARRIVES. They said that’s fine, thanks for calling. Went home, the internet company who I had JUST spoken to, who said Yeah its ok, had restricted my internet usage….WFT! Using my mobile to try ans access their website to complain, found my phone network was flicking to Network from No Network. Took a trip to carphone warehouse, to find out my sim card is in fact faulty but as on a contract, they cannot do anything in to the sim breaks as at the moment I walked in, it was working. I think a lot of people where I live chat a lot of BS and just are plain lazy but yeah left it, returned home to my beloved cats and dogs! Yay. All scratching like it was the latest craze….why? of course they would, they have picked up Fleas, Oh my Life! Went on a mission around my tiny town for Frontline Flea treatment, not even a lie, every vet in town was SOLD OUT! OMG! Getting mad now. Bought the strongest one the vets had and all the hose stuff, spent in all around £50 for all this stuff go home to start de flea-ing and fumigation of the house. On doing so, mid-way through hovering , my hoover broke. I gave up. I went down stairs with my laptop and watched 4 episodes of Glee summing happy thoughts. This was working well to my brother called me. He usually rings if he wants something, to ask something, to rant about something or to ask if im home but I wasn’t expecting what he had to say.

As I may have mentioned in my previous post, I am going to be an Aunty again! I love Dexter (my nephew) and am so happy and excited to have another to love. Losing my own daughter, I have bonded so well with Dexter, I love him so much, I really do think the world of him and am so excited to meet my niece. Yesterday, My brother and his Girlfriend had a doctor’s appointment about the baby and found out, shes not doing too great. She’s not growing in the womb so she’s at risk. The midwife has said shes ready to come any day now (despite not being due to 2nd December) and this is obviously bad as she isn’t ready and it could lead to a lot of complications for her and her survival rate is low. She weighs a pound. Do you know what a pound is? A guinea pig. My baby niece is the same size as a guinea pig. After this news to be honest I felt devastated. I hope and pray that she’ll start improving or if she comes into the world, she’ll be a fighter, and healthy and alive….its the not knowing that gets me…

Wednesday 26th August

Didn’t start as bad as yesterday, I woke up with my cat snuggled into my side purring. Such a relaxing sound. I went to the gym and walked my feet off. I went to slimming world and got weighed and discoved I’d lost half a pound! Yay. But something has been bugging ,e for a while now, the dull ache in the back of my head, the one that flares up sometimes with pain so bad, I could cry and sqeeze my eyes shut because its unbearable to keep them open. Me being me haven’t thought much of it, well to today. After going at it at the gym for an hours, the dull ache started, I’d noticed even when it wasn’t aching, the place still hurts and is tender at the touch, I haven’t hit my head or anything as I recall, so thought it best to book in at the doctors, let them poke it a bit, tell me it’s a migraine and give me some painkillers sorted….Wrong. I rang up and told the receptionist about it, and she said come in now. So I did. Waited saw a nice nurse, we had a chat, asked me a few questions and all that, then she said let’s do your blood pressure as this can affect it. Took it. Its fine. Perfect even. Okay, she had a feel of it, no marks, no bumps nothing. Looked puzzled, said she’s off to fetch a doctor. Okay…slightly panicked. Doctor asks a few questions, said how long been going on for ect. Told her a little while but didn’t think much to it, you know, just didn’t pay it any attention. Okay, well we don’t know what it is either, it could literally be anything…I felt so sick. They gave me a slip and sent me to hospital to get blood tests done (10 different tests on it like) and told to book in an emergency eye appointment and if they fine nothing wrong to come back and be referred to a neurologist and brain specialist. One word….Terrified. when it comes to your head and the doctors want to send you to a brain specialist, what do you instantly think of?? Brain Tumour. I cannot tell you how sick and scared I currently feel. I’m trying not to think of the worst, but it creep back into my head and starts the What If game. I don’t know what to think, I’m way too scared to type it into google and see what it come up with. The brain is a precious organ and as dramatic and drama queen as this sounds, if it is the worst case scenario, I don’t want to die. I’m 25, I haven’t even began living yet. I don’t want this. I regret not telling anyone sooner or doing something about it. I really do. I am so scared, I feel so on edge. Now to play the waiting game. I’m hoping it won’t need to go past the opticians, and it’s just my eyes needing new lenses, but as the Doctor and nurses haves said, it’s a strange position on my head to have pain. (two inches above my right ear spreading across to mid-way) I don’t know what to think, I just now have to wait and see

Love MJ xx

Paper-Cut-MEME-Fear-Inside-out

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Enlightenment-2 years staring me in the face

Dear Fusionists,
For about 2 years now I have hade this quote tattooed on my arm. I look it it everyday countless times.but today is the first day I read it properly.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself, Life is about creating yourself” -Walt Disney

I don’t need to find myself, I’m already here,I know who I am I just need to create the person I want to be. Right? My main issue with life and living at the moment is why? What for? There are some things I want to do but the main question that is asked from the moment you’re old enough to make sense of it is, what do you want to be?

I have over a long period of time panicked myself into careers as I always believed the close is against me need to pick now or the world will end and then what? I don’t need to decide at age 7 or 11 or 18 or now at 25. There is no rush. I need life experiences and to create the person I feel I am and want to be. My 13 year old self with ambitions to be a writer is a mill times different to 23 year old me wanting to work with animals. 25 year old.me was lost. Was trying to be someone I’m not and hated every moment. I like my quirks. I like being OLD and having gremlins. I like that I care more for animals than people. I even like my irrational fear or moths and after a long time of self loathing finding things to like about yourself is incredibly hard.

Self creation is probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. It not about the looks, the hair, make up, tattoos and piercings. It’s what makes you You. Like I love Disney, I hate moths, I love cheese cake but hate sprouts. May sound simple but when you’ve moulded yourself to please other people you lose sight of you and what you truly
like. I remember a time I forced myself to like a band just to keep up with conversions and stuff where as in reality I hated them and that style of music. Now I realise I don’t need to change for my friends to accept me. It took many years to discover what having true friends was like and how you’re allowed too be different. You’re allowed opinions and to dislike something. Now I’m glad to say I’m slowly accepting me for me.

So as ever fusion stands and will remain a record of my self creation. All my hobbies and careers and training and dreams. Something I’ve not had for a long time. A dream of a brighter future, something to work towards,  to fight for, to love.

I love my fusion blog. I don’t know what I’d do without it :)
Love MJ xxx

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Friends like theses

Dear fusionists

This week’s weekly roundup is actually coming later than planned. This is actually last weeks but I was so busy I dint have time. Last week my best friend of 12 years got married. I being given the major task of Maid of honour did what anyone with anxiety and a self-loathing trait and panicked. There isn’t even another word for it. I panicked and stressed about it all for weeks now, I didn’t want to do it, I was scared, I was shy, I didn’t want to ruin the day, I didn’t want to look like a idiot for my best friend…but I did it. For my best friend. And that’s the only reason. For my friends I will do anything. Especially those who have and who still now continue to be support me when the times get tough and dark for me. It was my time to repay her and that I did, even though for every season walking down that aisle I was jelly legged and shaking like a leaf, I did it. I am proud I did it and I’m happy I was able to help my friend. I love her so so much, I really didn’t want to let her down.

And it made me think, Friends like Chaz and Becky and Lou, you need in your life. I need them. Even when sometimes they can do my head in and I find I cannot be bothered but isn’t that what families are like, you love them to death, you might not see them every day but you still have that weird connection, you’re there as soon as you say the word. I do love the friends I am blessed with. They literally are the family you get to choose. You may be tested throughout your life and have spats and whatnots on the way but those who remain at your side when you go to war, are those you know you will have with you when you find yourself as a little old lady, but never lonely.

Watching my best friend say her vowels I was really chocked, inside I was living the journey we’d taken together over the years and watching her take a big step in her life I honestly could have been prouder of her. I’m so happy for them both I wish them the most fortune and happiness in their life together. I hope I can continue to be there if they ever need me to be.

This week more than ever has made me feel so grateful for my friends. I love them so much for putting up with me and all the hassle and crap I must put on them. Becky is my all-time stone, I cannot imagine my life without her. To be honest I don’t want a life without her in it. She makes everything feel so much better and safer and calmer. Just by getting that simple ‘Morning xx’ message brings a shimmer of joy. I am so so lucky to have her. I hope she knows how grateful I am. I know I’m not the best at showing it, I’m not used to it to be honest. I’ve never had a best friend to I met Becky. I know a great deal of anxiety is my fear of losing my friends especially Becky and Chaz. My old ‘friends weren’t who I thought they were, Joanna, Lauren, Amy, Martin, Kate, Liam…?’who are these people now? Just a list of names with a trail of bittersweet memories attached.

What else is there to say, you do what you do for people, no ,matter how stressful or scary it may be because you love them. What more do you need really?

Love MJ xxx

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The Ultimate catch up

iDear Fusionists,

As you may all well and truly know by now, I am a rambler (OMG MY PHONE JUST SCARED ME STUPID…one sec)

So yeas I am a rambler and looking through my old posts noticed I leave a lot of cliff hangers and make some rash decisions and change my mind so dramatically but never give a reason or really notice. I am a very un decisive person. I cannot help it. so after browsing through previous post and picking up the loose ends I thought I would finally give you all closure…Where to start…

Okay, so the name of the blog has changed like a million times, why now fusion?

I choose now to settle on the name fusion as the blog isn’t about one subject, its a mixture. a fusion of subjects that I enjoy and am trying, learning about in my search to find WHO I AM, so Fusion as it describes best what its about.

What do you want Fusion to do?

Fusion was created purely for a place for me to vent and outward ‘discus’ subjects I enjoy, things that I cant talk to people about and sometimes to get my voice heard as half the time I’m invisible. my aim now for fusion is awareness. I myself have a variety of issues in my life such as coping with Depression anxiety, battle self harm and eating disorders, I just want to share what’s its like and has been like. Fusion for me is a journey and somewhere I share my experiences and show that sometimes people can go off the rails but it doesn’t mean they’re crazy, actually THIS is probably what is going on in their head, I can relate.

So, what does get you down and bring on these moods?

In all honesty, 9 out of 10 times I couldn’t tell you, the variation yoyo’s. it could be a person, something so one said or something I have thought. a lot of things do drag me down and that’s because I have a low opinion of myself and its easy to trigger off the hatred. a simple thing of not being able to do something can throw my mood into a downward spiral. If I feel I’ve said or done the wrong thing or even acted the way I thought wasn’t right. its very hard to explain. Something’s get me down more than others. The way people treat me, the way people see me, the way I am. also if I read a story or message or see something that hurts me in someone, this can drag me into a low mood. its impossible to pin point something in particular.

what do you do to get out of these moods?

its not always as simple as it may sound, it really depends on the trigger. sometimes I watch a movie in bed. I feel safe in my room, this is my comfort zone and my space. sometimes I eat (the eating disorder side of things) it makes me feel good for a little while. I like art. I find it a nice way to brainlessly work and make something and express myself. I keep a scrapbook, I also sketch and make things, I paint, craft and daydream and also I write. I write in my journal, or write texts to myself just spilling out every  thing that has upset me. I also write this blog and keep a written journal.

Why didn’t I follow my dream and write

when I started fusion, my main career aspirations was to become a freelance journalist and be a published author. Nice dream. But that’s all it was really. a dream. I do love writing but as I got into writing as as a job, it became less enjoyable very quickly. Its like if you love strawberry milkshake, you like it because its a treat now and again, but what if you have to have Strawberry milk all the time, soon you’d get sick of it and end up hating it. this is basically what happened with my writing career. I just backed out before I totally hated writing. its ok writing fan fiction and fun my own fun but turning it into a career wasn’t for me, but at least I can say, I tried it :D

why haven’t you gone travelling, like you planned?

Best resppnse I have for this is, fincally its impossible. I cannot travel and give my house up. there were so many factors against me in the travelling things and when my nan was diagnosed with dementia I wanted to remain closer to her than being half way around the world. I was afraid she’d forget me or something bad would happen while I was away. This doesn’t mean I wont ever go travel or do the things on the bucket list, it just means the travelling for years at a go will never happen. I cannot give up everything I have worked so hard to keep for a long ‘Holiday’.

has the Bucket list changed then?

I have a bucket list page on this blog and yes it does change now and again, I add things and move things around, realistically I get carried away, my heart is always ahead of my head so I don’t really think things through, but the current bucket list I am happy with, I will be revisiting it soon, so keep and eye out.

Are you still at vet school?

No I am not. the reason for this is at the time of staring vet school I was sick. I watched Supervet on repeat and believed I could be him, in reality, vet school is a lot harder than I thought. its not that I wasn’t smart enough, I did pass my first year with 97% mark, but I don’t know it got to be less of an interest and more of a chore. As much as I love animals and want to help them, I wouldn’t make it as a vet. I am too compassionate and caring, meaning I care too much and its not a healthy relationship to have with every single animal that crosses my path.  my heart would be forever broken.

what’s the new plan?

The new plan, well there isn’t much of one. I know I want to work with animals still as that’s my passion but the rest I don’t know.  I know I want to get better first and concentrate  on myself for once and getting me and my house sorted away from the stresses of other people. I know in the next five years I want to become a parent. I want a child so much in my life, I think this has never gone away since I lost my daughter 4 years ago. I think now the vet school dream has gone bust its time to find something my abilities can conquer. I was talking to a friend who has just stared and will soon be running his own doing grooming business. I don’t actually mind this. I think it would be quite fun, creative and hands on work, which ticks all the boxes for me. everyday would be different and everyday brings new people and animals. so never a dull moment as every animal is different. so maybe I will try and find a way into helping at one of these places for a little while and seeing how I find it. if I like it I’ll study it and go from there.

How your nephew?

I’m actually surprised I haven’t written about my nephew for a little while. He is now 14 months old and a real character, not only walking, talking and learning everything ever so fast, we have an amazing bond and I love him with all my heart. Dexter also has a surprise coming. My brother and girlfriend are expecting a second baby this year! the excitement levels I feel! I cannot wait. its a little girl! I’m so excited, I will try and keep you updated with Dexter’s progress and tell you all when my little niece arrives (around December 2nd) unless she’s going to be inpatient like my nephew and arrive 3 weeks early!

Do you still write to your pen pals?

Yes and No. the ones in Germany stopped suddenly and we haven’t written since. I still write (when I have time) to Tee in Australia. I should really write soon but I’ve really not had time or energy recently but its ok we usually only send mail twice a year. I can just send up a massive box of goodies and mail.

Ok, so what do you do for fun?

Fun?? when do I get time for fun or motivation! when I do get that odd moment of having both in the balance I watch movies, I am a movie nerd (which I may do am movie post once a week (top movie of the week?) I craft. as I mentioned before I have a scrapbook which I am slowly completing. I am taking my time with it so not to rush and ruin it. I still have my wreck this journal although I haven’t filled it in in for ever. I have a Nintendo Wii which to be honest I don’t play very often as it does annoy me when I die or keep losing. I have JUST DANCE which is fun but I wont do in front of people as I look like a demented jellyfish. I write still obviously, Erm I read when I can find something of interest, but that in all honesty isn’t all the time.

How’s life in general?

Its a bit all over, I still struggle a lot with my anxieties and depressive moments and it doesn’t take a lot set me off. things are stressful, its a constant juggling act to get the right balance and harmony, but as per usual one aspect is perfect then something else gives up or gives me grief. too much to deal with sometimes. I go counselling every week which I kind of like, its nice saying what ever bugs you out loud to someone, even thought they are paid to just listen to you no matter how pathetic things might sound.  The gym has been a great distraction of life. I feel distant and time seems to go quick and painlessly when I work out. I’ll be glad to get back into a decent rotein next week, just right now I have appointments coming out my ears and I cant bare to take on more than I can handle at the moment. the gym is fine.

How are the cats doing?

They’re fine….Elmo is a part timer at the moment as the warm weather is here, Bandit is a home boy and still lets his presence be known with his famous ‘Mama’ Yowl, and Blue, he is growing up into a calm little lad, he is big and beautiful and I love him very dearly (like I do all my cats) and we miss our little lady very very much still. We love our Lottie.

Anything else you want to say?

A little but this post is getting a bit LONG so I’ll do it in points!

  • I will on the 1st September (all going well) will be doing the first Vlog of fusion. will be a weekly thing as well as posting on here weekly.
  • we have a Facebook page! (please like for more fusion fun)
  • I have a crazy new addiction to the game minecraft and may introduce a small vid on the vlog of my ‘world’ I have created.
  • I also have an addiction to Disney Tsum Tsums.

and I think that may be it all.  for now at least.

Hope this has cleared up the unanswered! speak to you all soon

Love MJ xxx

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Dieting Diaries #3

Dear fusionists

This weeks slimming as gone surprisingly well. Considering I’ve had the odds stacked against me. I have had a stressful week, consisting of careers advisors that cant advice you, a bad case punch in the face syndrome, wedding panics, police related ordeals (WRONG HOUSE!) and turned down three takeaways, abolished 3 offers of sweets, sugary treats and cake, and a hen night. I deserve the platinum award this week.

usually this type of stress would send me running into the arms of chocolate coated goodies and deep fried something or other but nope not me!

I’m finally noticing the difference. We went bowling last night. (With the Bestie and the boyfriend) and we took some selfish and “action shots”. I noticed my trusty hoodie is rather baggy where as before it was snug. Feeling good and positive. My only worry this week is going to be the final dress fitting for the wedding (week today) the lady has left it really late I my opinion and we’ll I’m terrified it still isn’t going to fit. Absolutely terrified. Yes it had to be taken in a bit but what if suddenly my belly has decided, nope I’m going to make you look like a pregnant earwig.

Must think calming thoughts! I’m not worried about the diet on the wedding day. It’s the one and only time I will not on it. I’m at the gym EVERY day next week as I had a week off last week after killing the ligament in my foot (I bruised it walking to B&Q) true story. I have some Zumba DVDs but have no tried them yet. When I do I will be duct taping down the boob area as last ten they managed to break a perfectly good bra. I do own sports bras now but I’m not willing to risk a black eye a week before the wedding.

So yeah I’m proud of myself to cope as well as I have done considering all the stress and anxiety I’ve been working through. Will keep you up to date with this week’s progress. Boom!

Lots of love
MJ xxx
image

That bowling picture….

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