Drifting….

Dear Fusionists

Have you ever felt that sometimes you’re just drifting through life accepting everything thrown at you and just not finding the motivation or will power to slightly give a damn? Yeah same here then. Not friends with me? Do I look like I care? Didn’t pass that exam? Oh well…Lost a job? Whatever. That’s literally my mood at the moment. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing. I suppose not mastering up a happy vibe to celebrate a friend’s triumph is bad but meh…I don’t care.

I have had a pretty rubbish time of things recently and this is the result. I’ve argued and fell out with people, lost things, broken more and quit other stuff. I am annoyed. That is the main thing stirring around in my head at the moment. That I have the same crap dished out all the time and never catch a lucky break.  EVERYONE ELSE DOES! That isn’t even an exaggeration. It’s true. Can you blame me for the ‘meh mood?’

I have a little good news, like a tiny glimmer. I haven’t told anyone and why should i? I discovered I am quite good at what I do in the veterinary-verse. I’ve had two offers from different vets to learn the skills (voluntary to begin with) then sort of study as an intern work based thingy. I should be wowed and excited and honoured to be offered not only one but two separate placements. I can’t even master the energy because I can’t see it lasting. I appreciate the offers and haven’t turned them down but I don’t know what I can do to shake this ‘meh mood’.   I even received my first ever fan mail this last week, from a kid who liked a video I made on Disney crafting. It was sweet and nice to know that something I did made the smallest impact on someone.  This week I haven’t even posted on the site, I feel guilty as I know I’m leaving people hanging but the meh mood is winning.

It’s my birthday in two weeks, and marks a year of keeping this blog. That’s gone so incredibly fast its really scary. Looking over theses posts I do seem to have ambition but have the concentration of a toddler and quit quickly what I start. Maybe all this miss fortune in my life is all my fault and I’m just looking to blame other people? My last post about the close friends was resolved even though now I’m still very iffy about it, but did I bring that on myself? I haven’t a clue. Sometimes I do convince myself it is easier to have no friends or people to share things with, that way you can’t get upset, jealous, angry or resentful to them or yourself. I need to ’review’ a few aspects in my life at the moment and I think for the first ever time to put myself first over everyone. Not listen to what anyone else thinks and do what I like and not mould myself around other peoples likes and personalities and lives. I know for sure my phone book and friends lists need a clean out.  Gym. Slimming world. Career. University. Life.

Mehhhhhhhh…………………….

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Not all that…

Dear fusionists

I never really blog twice in a month but yesterday something really hurt me and I’m feeling the urge to share and hope you guys could offer a little advice. I’m not going into much detail as they may read this and I haven’t done anything about the situation just yet as I haven’t got a clue how to…advice?

I heard that a very close friend of mine had been bad mouthing me and sharing my personal circumstance with another very close friend. Not only am I shocked and hurt by this but both friends have acted like nothing has happened and carry on kissing my butt basically. In all right I should confront these people and demand an explanation but the way I feel at this moment in time I will close down any friendship I have with them. It’s not what was said that’s got me, it’s more the fact that people I know, have known for many years and in trust alot of personal information with are grouping together and betrayed my trust behind my back. If this has happened now, has it happened before?I’m not a bad friend I mean I don’t make promises I cannot realistically keep but if you need me I’m always there if I can be. I’m not perfect, no one is but I am loyal. If I have a problem I’ll say it. The fact this has happened has sent me crawling back into the darkness of depression. Who are my friends or the people I trust to keep information worries concerns confidential? Who can I trust now? Is it even worth making a fuss over or am.i right to be alarmed?

Well if anyone has any advice please share. It’s just playing on my mind and the more I think the more it hurts and I know I can’t avoid it much longer…

On a more goodish note though, as I couldn’t sleep at all last night I manged to paint two more characters on my wall. Maleficent and the Cheshire Cat. I think they look ok considering I was so mad when I started them.

Any ways guys
Thanks for reading random post
hope to hear from you guys soon
Yours sadly MJ xx

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Disney Mania

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This picture stole my heart!

Hey fusionists

I know its been a long time and I’m soooooo sorry, I’ve had a lot on! firstly I have had yet another cold, that turned into a nasty chest infection. (not doing so well this year!) so spent time getting over that, reading books, doing the usual vet school studying and also dieting (kind of)

Its my best friends wedding this year so been helping her out. am really excited for her and kind of emotional. she’s been in my life for 11 years and grown up in away together and lived in and out of each others houses now she’s getting married! I am her maid of honour and feel so proud to be so. forget the mother of the bride and typical family members roaring their eyes out, I’ll be first in line! this week we sorted out the followers, to be honest I never knew hoe much goes into a wedding. Its made me even more grateful to be single! (is that bad?)

I have also started decorating my room. There is this  YouTube channel i am addicted to by a guy called Chad Alan. I think his amazing and inspirational (this is all interlinked, I am going somewhere with this, promise.) He is a toy collector and basically does what  he loves despite being a guy who collects dolls. I don’t see a problem with this and never have. because a box is pink, it doesn’t mean its strictly for girls right? I used to prefer playing with action man and transformers and  Lego over Barbie and Baby born ect. He started this kind of Champaign called B.O.L.D (Boys openly loving dolls)  and well its inspired me a lot to do what I love best. I love Disney and always have done. recently I started collecting Disney Tsum Tsums and since then my love for all things Disney has expanded.  As I said before I stared rambling on about YouTube I have started decorating my room. I have made plans for on a adult Disney room with black silhouettes of characters every where. my room is massive so there is plenty of room. On my wall by my door we have Mickey and Minnie Mouse in typical poses and I found this cute stick on Heart shaped mirrors to go between them. on one of the long walls, its a tough one as I have a fire place and a built in wardrobe. so one the empty patch of wall I’m painting it with blackboard paint for doodling days, next to the fire place kind of peeping out from around a corner I am sketching my two favourite Villains Cruella De Ville and Maleficent. On the wardrobe doors I’m painting  a Bambi scene with Bambi, thumper and the great prince. Then the small wall by the window I’m hoping to do the Disney castle with my favourite Disney quote written in the Disney writing above it with a Tinkerbelle and finally on my last long wall I am painting Rapunzel’s Castle with her reading a book, I don’t know what I’m going to do to finish the scene but I might add a flying Dumbo or a mad hatter tea party with a Cheshire cat . If you want to see pictures of progress of this comment below and tell me what other characters you think I should add!

Sticking with the Disney madness, I have started a YouTube channel sharing my collection with everyone as it grows, these include Tsum Tsums, Vinyalmations, Funko pops Disney and if I can find them anywhere the Disneyland Pins (but only the ones I like, not going to go crazy and buy every single one!) so that brings me to my last bit of exciting Disney news…I have booked myself my very first Disney holiday! I am so excited. me, my brother, his girlfriend, my nephew my mum and my best friend are all going to Disneyland Paris for my birthday, my best friends birthday and my nephews birthday, we’re all literally days apart! I am so excited! will defiantly be blogging, and vlogging while I’m there.

so that’s all my news for now! Comment below for Disney suggestions and check out my new YouTube and Chads on the links below thanks for reading guys, hope you all have a great Easter if I don’t write before, and I’ll blog again soon, take care

MJ xxx

Chads channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx95RSyGUWKYWpuSxu7XHsA

My new channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNUeh1klIQ2bu1wSwzKuipQ

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Proud to be who I am

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Hello fusionist!

How are you all doing?  It’s a typical British evening here, windy and raining.  Have spent the week home recovering from this cold still (turns out it’s a nasty virus and now take tablets that could knock a cow out for hours!). Had a mixed week where I’ve been ill  haven’t done anything but think so, thinking too deeply about stuff like friendships and things. 

I had a worrying moment where I thought none of my friends and I have anything in common at all and it got me down but then I though it doesn’t matter. I like who I am and I’m not going to change that.

This very moment in time my mind, thoughts, actions are revolving around animals. All animals.  Care, habits, where can I see them. I can’t seem to learn enough at the moment.  I have adopted a snow leopard, amur leopard and a rhino.  Three creatures that to be fair do not get the big ENDANGERED ad as a polar bear, tiger or elephant. As a perk I also get information on these beautiful creatures and get to watch them live exclusively.  I LOVE big cats!!

Next week I am going to be knuckling down back to the books and get studying.  Have wildlife reading to do and plans for the house and garden, my bedroom I’m most looking forward to decorating.  And I’m babbling on! Haha.

Next week I will settle at my computer and write a proper blog post about stuff. Maybe animal profiles and stuff. Hope you all have a lovely week and we’ll catch up soon!
Riri xx

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Poorly person!

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Possible new wallpaper design?

Hello fusionist.
I’m ill, for the fifth time this year. I cannot believe my luck! My head feels like it is going to roll off into the lap of my cat and be kicked around like a catnip toy! Air hugs required.

Not been up to much since my last post.  Concentrated on exams and stuff for vet school, and walked around my house for
the millionth time discussing decorating with myself ( a fatal flaw of living alone) and have come up with a color scheme for each room. (Perk of living alone – my house, my colours, my rules!) I have also discussed pet issues with myself.

Well not so much “issues” just being cute baby animal broody.  I really want a dog. A cute little puppy that Will be mine and I will love him…yeah ok then. Luckily for me I have a head on my shoulders and know at this moment financially this is impossible.  It isn’t fair to get a dog if I cannot afford to care for him. So I talked reasonably to myself (not literally) but have decided when the time is right in a few years maybe, I will be getting a dog, much to my cats pure hatred.

I considered another cat then thought why? I have three beautiful cats who I worship and love to bits. Why would I want more? I do not want to be a crazy cat lady by name AND nature. So I’ve decided (again with the reasoning part of my brain) if we can afford it and the landlord is okay with it and I’m 100% sure about it all…I want to get guinea pigs again some. Point this year or next. I miss these little wheekers so much and I think they are now a part of  me.  It feels so odd not having any. I miss it. 

I have also started a new vlog on YouTube. God knows why but I have so if anyone wants to check that out, I will post the link in the next post as I can’t do it from my mobile which I’m typing this on now. So a bit of a nerd at the moment really. The vlog is more about the pets I think, and my hobbies (when I discover some) and things like that.

So a bit of homework for my followers if you guys don’t mind. Please can someone suggest some new fun hobbies for me to try and review, something different would be awesome and possibly something you think I might want to carry on with?   What do you guys do for fun?  Please share!

I’m off to grab a wad of tissue and crawl back into bed. So ill! Thanks guys for reading,  take care all
Write soon
Riri xxx

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erm….sorry its late!

Hello Fusionists!

It’s the 3rd February and I’m only just wishing you a happy new year….

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Did everyone have a happy holiday? I certainly did, and thus far New Year hasn’t been a bad one! So far I have managed to turn my life style around. (A little by choice and a little by force!) In November, which seemed like a normal day turned into what I now call my own going chain of illness and alignments. It all started with me, (and at this time) my 5 months old Nephew. Being his only auntie, nothing in this world makes me happier than making this little boy smile, so naturally I do my best, but on this particular day, something happened, starting the long months ahead of pain and discomfort. I picked up my nephew and my shoulder burned with pain. I assumed pulled muscle no biggie, but as days passed, my shoulder became more painful, my neck stiff, and my arm almost useless.  Giving in I rang the doctors and was given an emergency appointment that day.

I wasn’t too worked, even been given an appointment, first thing, I still naturally thought of the lamest excuses for my shoulder and arms sudden loss of usage. The weather here had begun naturally getting cold, I put it down to that and the fact I have broken both of my arms previously, Maybe the cold had got to it a little worse this time. I wasn’t expecting what I was told.  The doctor, 8am on a winter morning made me strip off my warm layers. She poked my arm, asked me to do various movements (each with great difficulty and others with instant failure, like touching my head, an impossible task) and asked various questions. The diagnoses? I had managed to some home get an infection in my shoulder bone! This infection was spreading rapidly (as the sickness I’d been feeling was also a symptom!) I was given three prescriptions of various tablets, consisting of, anti inflammatories, antibiotics and a strong stomach settler; I was also given an appointment with a specialist.

Two weeks later I saw the specialist, for another 13 weeks I saw her and endured what I can only describe as shoulder labour. This specialist had the duty to un tense my locked muscles through the art of massage. The first session, I openly admit, I cried and was sick over her lovely sofa due to the pain of having each muscle pulled and kneaded. As the weeks went by, sessions came less painful and things began to get better, I could move my head, the infection had cleared up, and I could hold a cup of coffee longer than 5 minutes. Result. This victory lasted two very short weeks. A week before Christmas, and the same week I was expecting family to come and stay, I became sick one night. Nit a normal sick this was odd. I couldn’t swallow, and my throat was incredibly tight, my head sum and sickness swamped me. When I was sick, it was just masses of blood. Well living alone, and it being 2am I was convinced I was going to die alone. Thankfully it wore off and I was able to get a couple of hours sleep before returning to the doctor. Despite my sickness, he reverted back to my shoulder, again repeating the various exercises I had for weeks before noticed a familiar dull ache in my shoulder. The infection had returned (or never left) and was inflecting itself on my stomach making me sick and feel the way I do. Taking one look at me he wrote me off for the next three months.  So that’s where I am now. I am on sick awaiting tests on my stomach and possibly more shoulder exersice. Crazy right?

Apart from that dram, ne year has treated me well. Due to an icky stomach I have had to dramatically change my diet and have lost 12lbs already. Very proud and glad I can eat without acid burning my throat every single moment of the day. I’ve also had some fun times already. Most recently, my best friend and I visited an aquarium called the deep as we both felt we needed cheering up, what better way to do that to go watch odd fish for a day? My little nephew now 8 months old, has skipped the crawling stage and is already walking with a walker, cannot believe my little jellybean, is no the move as well as getting his two front teeth (for Christmas surprisingly).  I donated blood last week, and have reached 10 pints, although for the first time I did pass out. This is probably due to my medication. Was kind of nice being fussed by people as living alone I give fuss out but I never get it back!

Today I am writing this to you from bed. Yesterday, I was had an accident and fell down my stairs. Nothing serious but I have a painful knee. I woke up  at 5 this morning with a cold too, so have spent the day in bed,  catching up on TV shows, to my cold dies down and my knee works a bit better. Still have another two months of sick leave, so that means no work placements (even though I was offered one!) or working to I get the all clear.

For now I’m enjoying time at home with the cats and my two new goldfish (tactfully named Felix and whiskers) working on a business and vet school, and catching up with reading. Also planning to get my puppy later on this year (don’t tell the cats!)  And tick off a few bucket list items. Right now it’s getting late, I’m going to snuggle down in my bed with toffee, my childhood toy dog, and my tissue box and watch a DVD!

Hope every one of my followers have a very happy new year!

Take care,

MJ xxx

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Christmas clues

Just a quick post guys….

Hey fusionist
Just wanted to wish you all a very merry Christmas and Happy holidays! Hope you all have a wonderful time.
You will read more from me more in the new year! 

Here’s a clue photo of a clue for what the new year will bring….This is my journal Binx…😄

Speak soon xxx

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