Have you ever felt that sometimes you’re just drifting through life accepting everything thrown at you and just not finding the motivation or will power to slightly give a damn? Yeah same here then. Not friends with me? Do I look like I care? Didn’t pass that exam? Oh well…Lost a job? Whatever. That’s literally my mood at the moment. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing. I suppose not mastering up a happy vibe to celebrate a friend’s triumph is bad but meh…I don’t care.
I have had a pretty rubbish time of things recently and this is the result. I’ve argued and fell out with people, lost things, broken more and quit other stuff. I am annoyed. That is the main thing stirring around in my head at the moment. That I have the same crap dished out all the time and never catch a lucky break. EVERYONE ELSE DOES! That isn’t even an exaggeration. It’s true. Can you blame me for the ‘meh mood?’
I have a little good news, like a tiny glimmer. I haven’t told anyone and why should i? I discovered I am quite good at what I do in the veterinary-verse. I’ve had two offers from different vets to learn the skills (voluntary to begin with) then sort of study as an intern work based thingy. I should be wowed and excited and honoured to be offered not only one but two separate placements. I can’t even master the energy because I can’t see it lasting. I appreciate the offers and haven’t turned them down but I don’t know what I can do to shake this ‘meh mood’. I even received my first ever fan mail this last week, from a kid who liked a video I made on Disney crafting. It was sweet and nice to know that something I did made the smallest impact on someone. This week I haven’t even posted on the site, I feel guilty as I know I’m leaving people hanging but the meh mood is winning.
It’s my birthday in two weeks, and marks a year of keeping this blog. That’s gone so incredibly fast its really scary. Looking over theses posts I do seem to have ambition but have the concentration of a toddler and quit quickly what I start. Maybe all this miss fortune in my life is all my fault and I’m just looking to blame other people? My last post about the close friends was resolved even though now I’m still very iffy about it, but did I bring that on myself? I haven’t a clue. Sometimes I do convince myself it is easier to have no friends or people to share things with, that way you can’t get upset, jealous, angry or resentful to them or yourself. I need to ’review’ a few aspects in my life at the moment and I think for the first ever time to put myself first over everyone. Not listen to what anyone else thinks and do what I like and not mould myself around other peoples likes and personalities and lives. I know for sure my phone book and friends lists need a clean out. Gym. Slimming world. Career. University. Life.