The adventures of Lego Misty and Blue Cat

This is a random one for you but a humours one. Yesterday after visiting the BFNBFs stall (look out for next a weeks post!) I came home with a new video game “Plants vs . Zombies garden warfare” and one of his new lego pokemon figures of Misty and Brocks Eevee. I collect some of these figures now and again. The small pieces drive me nuts putting together aand when you have fat thumbs the pain is real.

So after a great day with BFNBF I head home to construct my new figure. I sat on the floor and opened the pack and the pieces rolled out. At this very moment my cat Blue decides he wants to help too. He is lego obsessed and loved nothing more than to bat these tiny pieces around but he has a dark side. 

Blue is a lego eater.

I’ve lost many a piece through my cat ranging from Harry Potters wand to Deadpools gun. Well this one hasto be his latest conquest.

Sat on the table a pose of pure fluffy innocence Blue bats , he pieces gently back and forth then being his evil vat self batted them so hard they fell on the floor..”No Blue” hos nose now pressed against the table trying to grab and chew what ever he can. I scooped him up put the kitchen the mad cat protesting and set him down where he took off up the stairs. 

 Above: happily playing with lego awww…

I came back to the scene of the demolition and began picking up scattered pieces. I found all of eevee and began building in case lego eater returned..I made up Mistys arms with Master ball but noticed Mistys head and torso were missing still. I looked all around the living room under the sofa, in my bag boots and everything close by. Misty was no where to be found. 

Ok that’s weird…she was definitely in the set…cue Blue. Come running in from.the kitchen launches he’s self at the table and begins batting poor eevee around. 

All that was found….

Then I realised… must have grabbed Misty off the table as I took him into the kitche. For the nest half hour I scoured the house looking for the missing lego.  With no luck. Confirming my worse fears. Blue had eaten Misty.

I txt BFNBF asking a million questions about toxic and things while blue happily chews my boot laces (clearly eating a lego person hadn’t satisfied his hunger) the BFNBF confirmed there was nothing harmful in them so he won’t be poisoned. My next question how digestible is lego? No way can a cat pass a lego human through his system without complications.

I gave the house another search Blue thinking it’s a game and biting my hand in fun. Well he doesn’t seem affected by what his done? Still no misty.

I made the decision to keep a very close eye on this delinquent cat and if he shows any signs of being ill I will call the vet. He curled up beside my boots and went to sleep. The excitement of fun amd games worn him out. I played on the xbox for a few hours when I heard up stairs  Blue yowl. 

Oh God. I grabbed my phone ready to call out out the vet..I ran upstairs to find Blue in the bottom wardrobe vomiting. After he’d done he looked at me and shuffled off the only way a cat can..getting ready to clean up the mess I saw a face peering from.the heap…he’d thrown Misty up. THANK THE SKIES!

Grossly I. Have saved misty and am keeping her as she’s been where no one else has been before. In my cats stomach. She’s going to have a week look bath in disinfectant before being touched.

Blue is fine and back to his Normal annoying self.and already has selected his next victim…I think some how my lego collecting days a re over…don’t you?

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Drayton Manor!! Minions big day out 

Well Sunday marked a week from our day out to Thomas Land. Taken a good week to recover. Amazed how quick it came around and how fast and smooth the day went. Anxious was an understatement. Everything that could have gone wrong must have crossed my mind. Nothing went wrong. Nothing. The journey there was long and Dexter gets travel sick. I was worried for him. He was sick twice on the way but nothing too bad.he went quiet for a while and looked pale I felt so bad for him. As soon as we got there he perked up. He had something to eat and drink and the excitement kicked in.

The minions were perfect. I cannot fault them. A two-year old and a three-year old in a theme park sounds like a nightmare but honestly they were so good. Couldn’t be prouder of them. They didn’t run off or have toddler melt downs. They got on really well and waited patiently in lines. And it made them so happy to see/meet their train idols. To be honest I don’t know Henry from Trevor but the boys were going around naming them all picking  rides they wanted to go on.

Was fun for us too. My enjoyment mostly came from seeing the kids having fun.the rides were great th staff always friendly..talking to us and the kids about different things.  We went on a few rides, I’m not really a ride person. Anxiety likes ro lost the possible dangers before getting on it plus with the kids neither who are mine was like extra cautious but it soon went away seeing how much fun everyone was having.

The theme park it’s self is pretty amazing. They have Thomas Land some big rides like shock wave and some water rides and they have a zoo and dinosaur part which we walked around. Reptile house wasn’t so hate snakes and being in a “shed” with more than  5 of them I was lucky not to faint haha. I put Dexter on my shoulders so he could see and if one did break out he wouldn’t get eaten haha.

After we went to this huge play park. Yeah I wasnt at my happiest here. Firstly I was on my own with the boys. The BFNBF and bestie went to sit down. That’s fine well the boys took separate directions and this park was far from being empty. As soon as I’d found one I’d lost the other and again not being my kids I panicked. It got better though. Once the kids found each other they stayed together so my life got easier. Felt like hours of Hell but I don’t think it was that long.

On the way back from the animal park we took a train (duh) it was nice actually, the detail of the ride back was interesting. They had model characters and train stations dotted about and it was like a tour of park. It was a nice break from  the walking about..abound abound gain the kids loved it.

That was my main aim of the day, the kids to have a memorable day full of fun. For me it was a little more. A chance to test my anxiety in an busy place, a opportunity to have a “family day out” with the BFNBF and all the most important people in my life to be in one place. You can’t put a price on that. 

I recommend Drayton Manor (Tamworth, UK) to any Thomas The Tank Engine fan young or old. I have memories watching the TV show with my brother when we kids and to share something we loved with his son was a magical experience. 

Scroll down for a few photos :) 

Love MJ xx

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Not feeling life right now…


I have so much to post the pile of drafts are building but to be honest I’m really not feeling  life at all right now. its like ‘Winter is coming (GoT gotta love it) and all the fun and joy is being sucked out of everything. Reading, writing, watching movies, socializing, its all a huge chore. I’m making mild effort to appear the normal functioning human everyone expects but inside i’m miserable and grumpy as anything. i don’t want to talk, i dont want to go out, i dont want to play games, i dont want to blog and the list continues.

Why though? I literally have no reason to feel so fed up. I don’t. life is okay. mother is moving out of my house in two weeks, things with the BFNBF are improving, there’s more good days than bad, i for once have a lot to look forward to but i dont feel it. its awful. I’m cutting ‘mood hoovers’ from my life because of all the other stuff i’m trying to sort out for myself i cannot handle all their problems as well. i actually begged my best friend if i can murder (jokingly) someone i know  because they’re so damn miserable, its triggering and all she has to do is say hello and i match her mood. Its weird. the difference though is i try to get out of these moods and do something about it. she doesn’t.

my other ‘friend’ has told me every single day for a month her birthday is coming…yeah we’re not that good of friends that I actually give a furry rats behind. in fact she’s an attention seeking little moo who speaks to people and treats them like rubbish and is lucky to have anyone in her life that actually speaks to her. i was actually thinking of all these ‘friends’ and people i know that have all these negative talents on MY life and like the book ‘Miss Peregrine’s home for peculiar children‘ open up a huge ‘care home’ and put them all in there together, just to see what would happen.  was always told everyone has a book I them waiting to be written, there it is there!

Today i have moped like the world is ending and i cant stand it. i bought some books and even a new Xbox game and nope, no motivation at all, to be honest i don’t know where the motivation has come from to write this given the list of drafts i have. Its been a lonely day. i wanted the BFNBF to come over but his been busy and i miss him which is also a reason i liked being single…have no one to miss. So I’m at work on the computer, writing this trying to figure out what i want to do ext, trying to think about rainbows and unicorns and cupcakes and feel a tiny spark of joy. It’s there some where just today it doesn’t want to come out and play.

I don’t know what to do today.😦 hope everyone has a better day than me. sorry for the randomness.

Love MJ xx

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Dieting Diaries: S02Ep01 FOR REALS NOW

Omg have you ever looked at photos, recent photos saw yourself and gone wtf. Yeah that was my thoughts this morning. What the hell have I done? I have ballooned up again and it’s awful. I hate when I lose weight then feel comfortable and then get careless. It’s vicious cycle and to be honest I am disappointed in myself. I know what I need to to do and I need to do it now. I can’t believe it.😦

Gaining weight with depression and anxiety isn’t the best thing you can do. My evil mind is already battering away at the insults but I guess it bullies you in the right direction? Bullies. It does that exactly. Some of the thoughts that’s crossed my mind this morning after the pics haven’t been kind. A long the lines of omg you look ridiculous! You can’t fit wtf are you doing? What does the BFNBF see he should have gone to specsavers. I know that’s a harsh thing to say about yourself but it’s about me. It’s allowed and.its motivation to do something about it.

So today marks day one of the new diet and the diaries want to keep with it. I’m going to do what I did last time as it worked..The gym healthier eating but allowing some bad stuff in moderation, DRINKING! That’s my big thing. Drinking more water and walking. It’s not exactly hard to do is it when it’s word like that. I’m actually off Pokémon GO hunting with the BFNBF and his family. I’m going ro walk my leggies off! *determine face* but I’m so tired I may need a litre of coffee before I step outside! Wish me luck

MJ xx

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“I tried all I can but I can’t understand why this always happens to me”

Every time it’s looking better something goes wrong,

Sick of waiting for a phone call it’s taking too long 

It feels like I’m just wasting my time my time my time

‘Cause I’ve tried all I  an but I  can’t understand why this always happens to me

Cause it feels like it never gets better for me for me for me  for me

and it looks like I’ll never get outta here why me why me” -Free faller Why me lyrics 

 I’ve always believed since I first heard this song it was written for me. I’ve had it years and listen to it on repeat when things go wrong. It gets it. it gets all the emotions and everything. It understands in a way.

Today hasn’t been fun. It’s been a drag and all I can think about is what I should do but also the pain it’s going to bring along with it. Probably worse than the hurt I get every time I’m let down or call cancelled on. I need to decide what to do about the BFNBF. 

Long story short we’re both broken inside and found each other but things aren’t quite there. We’re in limbo meaning in a relationship but not. And God is it a nightmare sometimes. Only sometimes. Most of the time we’re pretty much in a relationship but without the title so it’s not a issue. It’s times when you want the BF side of things when you notice how much you don’t have that. 

It’s hard to explain. Like today, I have felt low all day and most of yesterday..He knows. We were meant to go out. I didnt feel like it, he said he’ll come see me but he went pokemon hunting instead so I sat at home on my own watching walking dead ignoring the hurt in my chest. The thing is his not my boyfriend so he has every right to do that. 

I can’t carry on like this. its been six months now maybe more and I can’t do it anymore..its always me ending up being cancelled on or left feeling rubbish and it’s not fair. In my head I know I should call it a day but I really don’t want to which is a ridiculous reason. Just because I don’t want to and it will hurt and I’ll miss him and our weird relationship and connection. I’d miss his son and the randomness of everything. I’d miss everything I’ve made my life in the time I’ve known him and let him in my life.

We have this trip to Drayton Manor coming next weekend and along with the millions of other worries plaguing my life right now about this trip I am so worried about us going. It’s like a family day out. I don’t know what he thinks or feels or anything maybe I should ask and talk to him. Seems the logical thing to do. Maybe after Drayton Manor. Tonight I’m just enjoy my music and think of an alternate universe where every is simple and straight forward. I want three things right now.  Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream, my big snuggly hoodie and a hug from the BFNBF. Two out of three is good enough😦

Night all

love MJ xxx 

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Under pressure!

This is going to be very interesting, I have exactly 16 minutes to write an entire post and I’m a rubbish typist and make a mistake like every third word!! Ugghhh!

That’s what you get for monster busting on Facebook for half an hour!! Okay monthly round up!

Things have been a bit of a roller-coaster. I won’t lie, had so many good and bad days but right now in the zone this very moment things are good just feel a bit sick with relief to be honest. I will get to that in a bit.

Over the last month as following from my previous post I am STILL suffering with insomnia. I’m guessing its linked with the stress and the un- organisation of like at this moment in time. But autumn is here! And it’s my all-time favourite time. Been walking a lot and getting plenty of fresh air and exercise which has helped the nights go a little faster (meaning I get at least 4 hours sleep) usually it 12 to 4 which I much say is better than nothing at all as, my brain can manage to function to a extent and I’m not mardy and even more stressed at the world than I need to be. Anyone else had insomnia? Its annoying! You want to sleep more than anything and your brains like. “Nope. I don’t think so we haven’t covered this topic of thought yet….” Then anxiety pipes up….oh brain, if we haven’t taken the bin out wont the dog tip it over? Hold on isn’t the bin meant to be collected TODAY! If you haven’t put it out for the next two weeks you’re going to have to stamp it down in the bin and what if you fall out? What if you break your arm!’ and so on….

Last night I must say wasn’t too bad, i did binge watch walking dead which worries me because I don’t fancy walkers visiting me in my sleep.

What can I tell you that have been happening in life then? To be honest not much has been going on. I have a new five year plan which is currently conflicting against a new venture I want to participate in but for now I’m sticking to the current one. The new plan is to enjoy this year off, get everything in order that I need to, and work at the library still and on a small writing course to pass the time and to benefit myself, my CV and this blog a lot. Then in September 2017 (after my holiday—will get to again in a bit) I want to apply to do counselling level 4 and hopefully carry on to I qualify (5 years’ time-that’s a song isn’t it? 5 years’ time?) this plan I do include things like holidays and a car and all that stuff but sadly I haven’t included the BFNBF because it’s still iffy.

We’ve been a lot better recently even though his abandoned me twice now to play Pokémon GO, then I think why shouldn’t he? I’m seriously a weird one, it’s like its ok if I feel bad but no one else is allowed and even his said that to me! Effort is being made though. We had a ‘date night’. We went to the cinema together and saw sausage party….what a movie, still can’t work out if it was good or bad, I enjoyed it, the humour is an acquired taste (either you like it or don’t) and after we went on a Pokémon walk and went to the pub. He stayed over for the first time which was nice; just I’m not used to sharing a bed unless it’s with the cats and ended up star fished over him. We seem to talk a lot more too now, without being prompted, I get good morning and good nights which is weird I must say only the bestie and I do that kind of thing. Last couple of days have been good even though yesterday sucked. I had a busy morning which cut into the time I usually spend with BFNBF and he said it really dragged for hi, so when I did get round to seeing him, he was busy and some of our other friends like Craig and Simon turned up so had to be social with them, then my mother turned up like the grim reaper of bad news. She put me in a foul mood which ruined BFNBF time so I went home and binged walked walking dead with a banana milkshake and a twisty straw trying not to cry. I don’t know why I wanted to cry, just felt like such a fail or a day. It’s like his there but you can talk to him, or hug or anything, all you can do is watch.

Was redeemed though, I thought he’d be busy last night but he messaged all evening, just chatting making some plans, we should be hanging out tomorrow. I hope so; I want a BFNBF hug so bad. Sounds pathetic. I am the person if I read that kind of thing does the gag noises. So weird when it’s you saying it though! I apologise to those I have previously ‘gagged’ at. Feel free to do it to me any time. (Watch me get spammed now ha-ha)

We’re actually having a kind of family day out next week which I am going to blog. We’re taking the kids (Dexter and Rowan) to Drayton Manor! Thomas Land. The kids don’t know but the BFNBF is excited and so am I. Day out with my minions and my mister and it fingers crossed will be a good day. So excited. Had drama this week with mother and the park. She’s driving. Well supposed to be but now she’s working…Luckily i have awesome friends who save the day and love me! I don’t know why I expected mother to be there. She won’t be. Never has but that’s for a different day.

Quick update on sandi dog. His doing fantastic! We thought his time has come being as ill as he was. The vets gave him stronger painkillers after having the talk about his options. Sandi has a slipped disc in his back which like a person would cause pain. His too old to operate on so these tablets were his final chance at life. Giving him 10 days all we could do was wait. The next day he was like a puppy again. The same little dog we’d thought had gone forever. His crazy a coffee drinker and footie mad. Back to his old annoying self. Wouldn’t have him any other way! 

I also have a dilemma to solve, but I think I’ll write about it in more detail later (holiday dilemma) this post is long enough right now…

What else can I tell you?  I’m obsessed with Walking dead. I’ve mentioned it enough already. Watched three seasons in two weeks and am now starting the 4th as I write this. I LOVE BEING A NERD! Well other than that nothing new has really occurred. My life is either dramatic or boring. I don’t think there’s a in between to be honest! 

I have a couple of other posts to upload today so keep an eye out for them. Will be updating more regularly now getting back into a stable routine. Hope you all have a great day!

Love as always 

MJ xxx

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Sick of sadness 

I sucks at so much right now. This blog. Spent the last four days embracing my sadistic side by watching back to back walking dead, and horror movies. Been ill too and it’s not cheered me up but it’s not made things worse. I can’t believe it’s been over a month since I last wrote. This isn’t really a catch up post either. Will do that tomorrow while at “work”. 

This one is about how alone I feel right now. Recently just feels like I have no one dispite talking to all these different people all the time. The thing is they talk and I listen. No one thinks to ask are you okay? How at are you feeling? When I do say something they’re the same and back to talking about them. People tell me all the time I can talk to them but when I do it feels like an inconvenience and they HAVE to listen and feel inclined to and it shuts me down. Why should people have to listen when they have all this going on? I do my best to make sure people are ok and happy and that they’re ok with me. its the anxiety of doing wrong all the time.

Easier not to speak to anyone then you cant do wrong but then it builds up and up. I have alot on my mind and don’t know what to do and I can’t talk about any of it so I’m suffering and it’s painful. It is physically painful right now. I’m over thinking everything and spending more time alone because I feel like I’m in the way again. It’s such a vicious cycle. You try and convince yourself your better alone but you’re not. It’s finding the right person or people to talk with and having the courage to find your voice. I have some amazing friends and a pretty awesome BFNBF but I can’t speak to them right now. 

Just sick.amd tired of being the good hearted counsellor. The one to listen and give advice. What about me? 

Another rambling, “feeling sorry for myself post” I’m sorry. I know some of my followers relate to these and Just knowing that the way you feel sometimes is felt by others too helps, meaning you’re not alone and you never will be.

Will catch you up tomorrow. Take care all
Love MJ xx

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